Childhood musings...

A friend of mine is having a baby this winter. She has a teenager and will now have a newborn. This brings back so many memories of my childhood and teenage years. When I was 13 my baby brother was born. What a hard time that was. I was writing an email to her and the memories sure came on-both the good and the bad.

I remember one time when I was 13 or 14 and I had him with me in smart. I have always looked older than my age. The boobs came on early and big in this house. This old lady came up to me and called me a slut to my face because I was a young teenager with a small baby. It makes me so angry now-18 years later-that some old, hateful bitch could do that to me. People are awful.

I can also remember feeling like he was my baby sometimes. I would fall asleep with him on my belly. That baby feeling of total relaxation can't be beat.

There were tough times then too. My younger brother turned in to a destructive, horrid bastard. Our parents were older and really didn't want a 3rd child. He was so abusive and mean-I think he was just looking for the attention-but it didn't stop me from being horribly afraid for what would happen to the baby. I worried about going away to college, who would protect the baby (or the small boy by then)? What would he do to him? To the family?

Even five years later, when I traveled out of the country for the first time, I worried about what might happen. Baby brother was nearly 10 by then. But older brother was living at home. The entire time I was in Mexico, I had nightmares and night terrors of receiving calls saying that he had murdered them. All of them. He is kind of mean and can be out of control now, but back then he was violent and unpredictable and awful. It was a scary time.

Oh yeah, those were the good times. Thank god we all made it to adulthood. Baby bro is now 18 and big enough to care for himself. Brother is out of town, has a family of his own. Mom and dad still aren't that interested in parenting, good thing they are almost done. We all made it somehow.