Tears of the day...

I've been a little moody lately. And by a "little" I mean I am an absolute rollercoaster of ups and downs and by "moody" I mean and huge, giant asshole. Things make me tear up, laugh hard and feel incredibly pissy. Mostly things dealing with work.

Last week was a bad week. My car caught on fire, it broke down, the garbage man tore down the phone lines from my house and I had no telephone or internet for three days. Maybe all of that is why I have had a recent tear of the day.

Sunday-I cried while watching Hogan Knows Best on VH1. It was so stupid. My dad and brothers always watched wrestling, went to the arena shows, saw the matches, watched on tv. I always hated it because it was so violent, so unnecessary and so staged. So I was watching Hulk Hogan fight or wrestle and his kid was watching him on tv from home. He got cut and got hurt-and she started to cry. It somehow made it more real, more realistic than anything else I have seen.

Monday-I was reading a trashy romance novel. The sub-couple (the ones who are the friends or relatives of the main characters) finally admitted their love as normally happens and I just lost it. Something about the dialogue just hit me. They put to words how lonely I feel and how jealous I am of this stupid, not really well written fictional couple. And how I wish I could find with someone what that pretend couple has.

Stupid, I know. But I am feeling pretty lonely lately. And lonely in a different way. There are people around me a lot of the time, but I want to find that one person and he is hiding from me. I want to feel loved and feel like there is someone who really understands me and wants to be with me, even when I am an emotional basket case who is both sad and frustrated and bitchy all at once for a week each month.

Nothing has made me cry yet today. I still have four hours to go until Tuesday is over though. Guess there is still time.

Cinematic fool...

I'm in a movie phase right now. I think I've rented five or six movies in the last week. I watched Lady in the Water today. I didn't think it was as bad as I expected. It was ok, kind of a sweet bedtime story for adults. A little kid would have been bored stiff and I was puttering around the house doing other stuff while watching it. The reviews for it were awful. I tend to think that most of the people watching it were expecting the same caliber of great movie that M. Night whatshisname usually makes and this was a different movie entirely. Not bad, not good-it was ok...

I also watched the Descent this weekend. That movie kind of freaked me out, but not because of the man-eating batmen in the cave. It was the scenes where the women were squeezing thought tiny, tight passages that made me uncomfortable. I felt kind of claustrophobic though the entire thing.

So, to get the freaked out taste from my mouth, I followed that up with Clerks II. What a piece of crap. Maybe it's my mindset-when I saw the original I was 19 or so. Now at 32 I just can't appreciate the humor as much, I suppose. I did see the original a while back and thought it was pretty damn funny though so who knows. I know that the only time when I really laughed was during the donkey show-easily the most disgusting part of the movie. Maybe there is a little of my 19-year-old humor left. My little bro who is coincidentally almost 19, LOVED it. To each their own, I suppose.

Speaking of which, I need to get him a b-day gift asap. Since there is no mall in town, everything must be ordered and I would hate for it not to be here on time. Think I can get an American Eagle order here by the 27th?

Reading...

I went to the library for the first time in YEARS over my Christmas break from work. I don't know that I had been there since I was a kid. Some things have been updated-no more microfiche. Some things have not-the SAME nasty old ladies still work there. They used to scare the holy hell out of me when I was a kid and frankly, they still do a little bit. I should have been a librarian.

I checked out Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. Great book. I thought the movie was enjoyable, nothing horrible but also nothing wonderful. I had heard that the book was better. I know that if I had read this book first, I would have HATED the movie.

Thinking about it made me ponder-if you love the book is it impossible for the movie to be any good? Someone asked recently what my favorite movie adaptation of a book was and I couldn't answer. Yeah, there are a few great ones but they were mostly made back in the Golden Age. To Kill A Mockingbird really can't be beat. But overall, the movies come up lacking. I wonder, would I have actually enjoyed The DaVinci Code if I hadn't read the book first? Probably not, but I guess you never know.

There was a quote in the last passage of the book that I thinkwas in the movie too. Here goes...

There are some things, after all, that Sally Owens knows for certain: Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.

That just made me smile.

Now I am reading a novel by Elie Wiesel called The Gates of the Forest. I think his writing is splendid. I really enjoyed "Night" (thank you Oprah for the exposure) but it is a bit of a downer as well.

I don't know why, but I really am interested in reading about the holocaust. I secretly believe that my family on my mom's side was Jewish. I think they decided to change that about themselves when they immigrated from the Czechoslovakia/Polish boarder at the turn of the century. There is a picture that my grandmother had of her oldest brother. He sure looked a lot like that Adrian Brody guy who played the Pianist. Jewish features, nose. He died of the flu during WWI. Some of the things my grandmother said about the family's traditions make me think that it is a definite possibility. How sad it must have been to decide to deny your background out of fear or want for ease of persecution. Must be like what some gays feel like today.

Wonder where that picture is today? Hopefully one of my aunts has it somewhere safe so that someone can remember that young man who died too young too long ago.

I hate that I have a fascination with some things... The holocaust, Mary Kay Letourneau, E!. It makes me feel a little shallow and a little morbid all at the same time.

Sick sick world...

My boss said something so horrifying to me today. She recently got a kitten from somewhere. It had been abandoned and when she saw it she fell in love.

Apparently, said kitten is annoying. It has a meow that is loud and piercing and fairly continuous in the morning. The meowing disturbs her while she puts on her makeup in preparation for work. So she is taking the cat to the vet to see if they will sever the animal's vocal cords. I know the vet, he is a pretty old, crusty man. I have to hope that he will tell her to get the hell out of the office. But if it can be done, I'm sure that there is somewhere in town that will be willing to do it for her.

When she said this, I actually put my hand over my mouth in horror-hoping she was making a sick joke. I am completely disgusted. This is a thousand times worse than people who dock tails or clip ears, or even people who declaw. This is just inhumane. I'm disgusted.