I've been a little moody lately. And by a "little" I mean I am an absolute rollercoaster of ups and downs and by "moody" I mean and huge, giant asshole. Things make me tear up, laugh hard and feel incredibly pissy. Mostly things dealing with work.
Last week was a bad week. My car caught on fire, it broke down, the garbage man tore down the phone lines from my house and I had no telephone or internet for three days. Maybe all of that is why I have had a recent tear of the day.
Sunday-I cried while watching Hogan Knows Best on VH1. It was so stupid. My dad and brothers always watched wrestling, went to the arena shows, saw the matches, watched on tv. I always hated it because it was so violent, so unnecessary and so staged. So I was watching Hulk Hogan fight or wrestle and his kid was watching him on tv from home. He got cut and got hurt-and she started to cry. It somehow made it more real, more realistic than anything else I have seen.
Monday-I was reading a trashy romance novel. The sub-couple (the ones who are the friends or relatives of the main characters) finally admitted their love as normally happens and I just lost it. Something about the dialogue just hit me. They put to words how lonely I feel and how jealous I am of this stupid, not really well written fictional couple. And how I wish I could find with someone what that pretend couple has.
Stupid, I know. But I am feeling pretty lonely lately. And lonely in a different way. There are people around me a lot of the time, but I want to find that one person and he is hiding from me. I want to feel loved and feel like there is someone who really understands me and wants to be with me, even when I am an emotional basket case who is both sad and frustrated and bitchy all at once for a week each month.
Nothing has made me cry yet today. I still have four hours to go until Tuesday is over though. Guess there is still time.
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