I'm a big Easter egg. I have a hard, tough crust but inside I am really soft and easily damaged. It is really hard for me to accept help from people, especially financial help. A few weeks ago, someone offered to purchase something for me. It will cost around a hundred bucks, but it is $100 that I really don't have right now. Tonight, I mentioned going tomorrow to purchase said item and the person denied ever offering to buy it. It's stupid and silly, but I felt humiliated. This was a family member, older and frankly a little scattered. But I was still so hurt and embarrassed to have brought it up and been denied.
I need to toughen and soften all at the same time. I know that my outer side it so hard to get through. I am abrasive and rough and keep people at arm's length so I don't get hurt. Then something small and minor just breaks my heart.
And the worst part? I cried and made mascara run on my favorite white tee. Now the bastard is probably stained too. I hope to GOD that I am PMSing. Tears over little things like this are just not ok.
What a shitty day in self-centered land.
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