Chinese New Year Horoscope: Tiger - AOL Horoscopes

Chinese New Year Horoscope: Tiger - AOL Horoscopes:
The Year of the Earth Rat will be more challenging for Tigers than last year (ruled by the Fire Pig).You're not going to always get what you want, and may run up against others who have a different objective. Reserve your energy for the battles worth fighting for.

I write like an undergrad...

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Of course they are scissors...

Someone sent this to me today. I'm rolling...
Quote from the mom: "This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors. I wonder what his teacher thought. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of the room before I started crying, from laughing so hard."Well, of course they're scissors. If you know someone with small children or you are a teacher...you will love this! I can certainly imagine seeing this one proudly displayed on the mother's fridge at home...

I'm a big pissy-head...

Things that make me grumpy on 10-21-2007:

• That-thanks to the MLB playoffs and certain erectile pill commercials-I know the definition of the word prioprism. Certain things I just don't need to know. Thank you Cialis.
• When you go to a bookstore and the clerk is pretty much illiterate. I purchased a classic novel by a well-known author. Anyone who went to high school would know it. That's right-it WAS Dickens. The dumb ass clerk asked me if it was a new author because she had never heard of it before. No wonder Amazon.com does so well.
• Lots and lots of things about work. 'Nuff said.
• That it is a whole month more before I get extra days off.
• When people automatically assume that you won't be interested in something. Then they leave you out and you end up feeling sad. Ok, so I don't really like football and probably wouldn't be willing to spill $50 for tickets. But it would be nice to be invited. Just so I could have the privilege of saying no.
• That a really crappy sequel can ruin great memories of a wonderful first movie. 28 Weeks Later ruined my Sunday.
• I hate when my dog sheds. Much like above-mentioned items, nothing I can control. But today it has just pissed me off.

I guess, given my current vein of absolute crappiness, I should try to talk my way out of it. So, here goes. Things that make me smile today:

• The Red Sox are totally going to the World Series barring some major 9th inning meltdown.
• That David Ortiz, right this very moment, is wearing goggles. He just rocks.
• That my dog and my grandma love me even when other crappy, mean people don't invite me to their stupid football game.
• That a baseball player named Coco Crisp exists.
• That there was a Law and Order SVU marathon on this weekend. I really like that new guy. He also pretty much kicked ass on Joe Dirt. You really can't hate someone who was in Joe Dirt, can you?
• That Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. I can make it that long, can't I?
• That I totally caught an episode of Smurfs on tv today too.
• That it really doesn't look like I have done anything this weekend but watch tv and that it is mostly true. And completely ok with me.

I liked both of these when they came across my desk today...

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. - Clyde Campbell

The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

SIMPLE RULES TO LIVE BY…

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman with whom you love to talk. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Kermit rocks..

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Oh my god...

This comic is the whole reason that generations of women have such a negative body image and why even pretty thin women have no self esteem. Oh my.

Secret Romance

These are pieces of some others. Horrid. Women of the comic past apparently were scheming, marriage obsessed and not too smart. Why oh why couldn't I have been alive then? Hilarious!