Ok. So I am approved for a mortgage. But not approved for one big enough to actually buy anything I would want to purchase and live in. I saw a totally cute place today but it is really really small. I can afford it. I can more than afford it. It is $20k less than my target price. BUT-it is tiny tiny tiny. I do think it is in a neighborhood that is growing and improving. It is an older home. Cinderblock construction and lots of character. Underground sprinklers and a fully fenced yard where I could keep my basset hound to be. Garage. Two beds, one bath. Hardwood floors that need refinishing. Squirrles in the trees and some really cool features on the ceiling of the living room. Lots of potential I suppose.

The weirdest thing? The washer is in the kitchen but the dryer is in the garage. And there is no dishwasher.

However, I would much rather stay here. I like here. I would love to buy here if I could get my dad to agree to sell it to me. I know he dosen't want to. But I want to stay here.

Shit.

Rory Gilmore's Book Club...

I love love love the Gilmore Girls. I found this list from a link from some other site. This is a book list worth aspiring to...

Rory Gilmore's Book Club

I'm a bit embarrassed to find that I have read a grand total of three of the new classics-and one of those was the awful Nanny Diaries. I need to bone up my summer reading list a bit.

I fared quite a bit better with the classics. If you count the movies I have seen of both new and classic books, I do ok.

Note to self-go to the LIBRARY more often!

Mr. Clean and after dinner stalkings...

So, I don't really date much. In fact, I really don't get out of the house much at all. Yes, I get lonely sometimes. Yes, I wish I had someone in my life and at times I feel a tad desperate about it. HOWEVER, I have a yucky, 50-year-old neighbor who is stalking me. He is creeping the hell out of me. I am not that desperate. I have finally found my boundary and 50 and weird it is.

Since I have moved in he has waved at me each time I drive by his house. Ok, I can be as neighborly as the next girl. No problem there. One day, I was one town away from home (about 20 miles away) and I saw him there. He acted like he had just won the damn lottery. I smiled, nodded politely and excused myself.

Yesterday at 7:55-5 whole minutes before I was to be at work-I went running out of my house as norm heading for the car. He pulled up in a truck that was not his. He asked me my name, ok, being neighborly again I gave it to him. He asked if my husband was around, ok, getting a little creepy, then he asked if he could come and have me cook dinner. I smiled, pretended he was kidding and got in my car stat.

Last night, after work, he showed up on my doorstep. He decided that he should come and get to know me. He shoved his way in and sort of freaked me out. Because, like a total dumbass, I had already mentioned that I was single, I couldn't even pretend that my boyfriend/husband was on his way to see me. Then the freak asked me what time dinner was. He was actually expecting it from our converation in the morning.

I finally got rid of him after almost an hour. I didn't know how to get him off my couch and out of my house. I tried to emphasize that I was A LOT younger than him, but that didn't sink in. I tried to emphasize that I work a lot-went right over his head. I finally asked him to leave. Then he suggested that we go dutch to the movies. I told him no and locked the door.

This morning, he left a message on the windshield of my car trying to ask me out again. I feel bombarded in my own home. I park on the street, he knows when I am here. How do I hide from this strange old man? Yuck and yikes!

Oh my god...

This comic is the whole reason that generations of women have such a negative body image and why even pretty thin women have no self esteem. Oh my.

Secret Romance

These are pieces of some others. Horrid. Women of the comic past apparently were scheming, marriage obsessed and not too smart. Why oh why couldn't I have been alive then? Hilarious!

The biggest loan of my life...

It's getting closer. I got a message from my mortgage broker. He says my credit looks great. He is now looking for a low down, first time buyer mortgage for me. Yay me. Scary but exciting. Woo.

Teary eyed Sunday afternoon...

I just watched Legends of the Fall. I have seen the movie eight, maybe ten times. But every time I see it, I cry at the end when Alfred comes and saves the family. I don't know why for sure. Maybe I can relate more with him that with Tristan. This quote kind of rips through me...

I followed all of the rules, man's and God's. And you, you followed none of
them. And they all loved you more.

Home Buying...

I am starting the process of buying a house. I feel so lost. The first step, for me at least, is to talk to a mortgage broker. Guess I'll see what he has to say and then decide if I am ready. I have so many half formed questions in my head. I'm still at the point where I don't even have an entire question to ask. All I really know is that I need more money, I need more down payment and that making a commitment this big scares the holy hell out of me. yikes.

It's hot as hell...

Holy God it is hot here today. I was out in the 106 degree heat for a few hours and thought I was going to die. The high today was 111. I drank a bottle of water an hour all day and never peed once. Hot hot hot!

Thank goodness I am not in NY or some of the other places back east where they have no power. I don't know how people are standing it. Once I got home today, I cranked the AC up, took a nice cool shower and have no plans to leave the house again until it gets dark.

I can remember in college when I spent the summer in Pullman. It was horribly hot (low 100's) and there was no AC in my summer apartment. I would come home from work, take a shower and go to bed. On my days off, I did things like go to whatever movie was playing so I could cool off or go to McDonalds to study since they kept the dining room nice and cool. Some things about growing up aren't bad-feeling like AC is a luxury is surely one of them.

I worry about my 95-year-old grandmother in this heat. I have called to check on her a couple of times today. She's inside and cool and just finished napping while watching tv. Seems to be all good there.

Review time...

I got my yearly appraisal today at work. It was really really good. I so did not expect that. I honestly thought that my score would go down a lot from last year given comments by my supervisor all the time. But it was good. Almost all of the remarks were really positive. I don't know what went on, but I'll sure take it. Rah!

Congrads!

My pet peeve of the day... People who spell congratulations with a "D". Hate it hate it hate it. Around graduation time, it was even spelled that way on the Burger King sign. I was embarrassed for the poor kid who put it up there, even though they probably didn't know any difference. My boss spells it that way. It's always great when she sends an email "Congraduations on the great job, team!" Somehow, I just can't take praise when it is spelled wrong. Guess I'm a snob. I should really work at getting over it. Maybe next week.

Night Terrors...

I learned the term "Night Terrors" recently. Until I heard it, I never had a word or a real way to describe what used to happen to me when I lived in my last town and last house. I used to have episodes (dreams I suppose but they seemed to be so real) where I imagined people wandering around in my house. They would try to steal my money or my checkbook or credit cards. At the time, money was a huge point of stress in my life. I was so deep in debt and so behind on payments.

On night, in real life, I had a stranger knock on the door in the middle of the night. They were fairly innocent, asked for directions. Asked to use the phone which I refused. But the fact that they knocked at three am scared the hell out of me. For months afterwards, I would wake in the morning sure that someone had been at the door again, sure that I had talked to them. At times, even sure that they had been in my home and staring at me while I was in bed.

Oh, these episodes scared me. I think the biggest thing was the absolute feeling that the events were real. Even though I had been asleep in bed for the past eight hours.

I would wake in the morning at four or five or ten-whatever time I needed to wake for work-bathed in sweat and scared out of my mind.

When I was laid off and moved back to home, I never had the dream/episode again. I didn't realize it at the time, but that was part of the reason I was scared to live alone again.... I was worried the terrors would come back.

Interesting, isn't it? Some people are scared of spiders and snakes, monsters, lions and tigers and bears...Oh MY! I was scared of people. Not even people who were espeically scary to look at or talk to. Just people. The mind is a strange thing sometimes. All I know is that it was the scariest six months of my life.

I heard the term night terror again today and it got me thinking about that time. Thank god it's over. Four years have come and gone and those scary feelings have gone away.

Meme Tag...

I've been tagged. I love these things, I'm such a geek.

4 jobs I have held:
Helper Clerk at Safeway
Academic Advisor
Store Manager
Social Worker

4 movies I'd watch over and over: (In my head right now, should I be honest and look stupid and juvenile or lie and seem pompous?)
Grapes of Wrath (pompous)
Bring it On (stupid and juvenile)
To Kill a Mockingbird (I can watch movies based on great American novels, look at me, look at me...)
10 Things I Hate About You (yep, I'm a big kid)

4 places I've lived:
Sandy, Utah
Moses Lake, WA
Lakewood, WA
Pullman, WA

4 TV shows I love/have loved:
Lost
Gilmore Girls
Friends
Northern Exposure

4 web sites I visit daily:
Pretty boring here-Hotmail and MSN
my Yahoo so I can read my daily Boondocks and FBOFW hits
VH1's Best Week Ever Blog
MSNBC

I have no blog friends here, so if someone comes along and reads this. Feel free to friend me and let my know your favorite 4 meme's!

A blog lost and rediscovered...

SO, I have been home, alone and sick for three days now. I'm totally bored and restless but feeling pretty lethargic and crappy still. I am so bored (and coincidentally, boring) that I just googled myself. And under Sunie I found...This blog! I kind of forgot that I had it. It has been sorely neglected since early 2005. I could have had two babies since the last time I wrote in this blog. I could have climbed Mt. Everest and run the Boston Marathon. Of course, I didn't do any of those things. IF I had, I would have had something impressive to blog about, right?

I just finished my yearly vacation to the beach. I do love the beach. There is just something peaceful about the water and the waves and maybe even the realization that their power could crush us all. We went to SeaSide Oregon this year. I wasn't really that impressed. It was ok. Not great. We had an ok time. Not great. The best thing about the trip is that Oregon has no sales tax. That way, when you go to the Liz Claiborne outlet, they only charge you the price of the three handbags and two pairs of sunglasses you buy, not 7.2% more or whatever it is that they charge in Washington.

I turned 32 while we were away. My birthday was also... (wait for it, wait for it...) ok. No big bang there. Fought with my assjerk of a brother before he packed his family up and went home, opened the presents that I expected, didn't get a cake since there were left over cupcakes from my nephew's birthday. We went to Astoria (where they filmed the Goonies-one of the most badass movies, ever!) and looked around, toured an abandoned fort system dating back to the Civil War. Came home and took a nap since I was starting to feel crappy.

Tomorrow I go back to work after 6 glorious days off. Since I am feeling so bored by now, I am almost ready to go back. Wish I was feeling a bit better though. I think I'll go to bed now and pray for health and a less red nose by morning. Go away cough, go away sore throat. I get to go to work tomorrow!!!

Ciao, blog. I'll try to stay in closer touch!

I feel loved today...

For the last four days, I have taught a motivational workshop for a group of people who are unemployed. It has been rough and really took a lot out of me energy-wise. The group was very large. Normally, I like to learn the names of everyone who attends and learn a bit about them. I was just not able to do so for this group and I felt badly about that.

The group this week was 35 very diverse people. Some were educated with college degrees. There were ex-business owners, counselors, loggers and welfare moms. Working with them, making them gel was a tough job. They really did click and everyone participated well.

Today, they brought me a present! They made a gift basket for me to say thanks for delivering the workshop to them. It was mostly little things that they could have found around the house. Candles. Lotions and bodysprays. A couple of homemade cookies. The monetary value does not matter. What does it that they thought enough of me and what I presented to them that they showed their appreciation.

I don't think I have been touched like that by a group of supposed strangers before. It means a lot when people see that you are just doing your job, but they like what you are doing and how you are doing it. This group of people probably won't ever know how unmotivated and uninspired I have been feeling about work and my job recently.

Something like this really helped remind me why I am doing what I am doing. Thank you to all of you. It means more than you will know.

When we start the workshop, I have them meet and introduce each other. I preface it by saying that they are about to make and get to know a new friend. This week, I made 35 new friends of my own...

This made me laugh, and value my age a bit...

This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes. Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, its usually something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom.

Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women.

Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” Here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage...

Miscellaneous me...

DREAMS...
I have been having strange, vivid dreams recently. I did not enjoy last night. Horrific images of people I knew in dreamland who were injured or were hurting themselves or others. At one point, I was in a dirty, dingy apartment that belonged to someone that I knew very well but never named. I was rifling through the closets and drawers looking for something. I looked out the window and someone was taking telescopic pictures of me in the apartment. Someone, a man I know in the dream but can't identify while I am awake, comes in and tries to kiss me. I rebuke him. He has an injured foot that is wrapped in a bloody bandage. I continue rifling through the closets and hear a scream. He has lit himself on fire; is trying to kill himself. The last vision of him that I have is at the hospital, he is horribly burned but is still alive.

Suddenly, I was shopping in a mall and kept seeing people that I knew. Lisa was there with her kids in a store similar to Target. Mom and dad were on the escalator, I didn't see their faces but recognized one of mom's ugly t-shirts. Then I saw Grandma with a woman that she introduced as some sort of cousin or aunt. This woman had to be at least 7 feet tall. This was in JC Penney. Then I am in the Bon looking for a new purse and I am all alone.

I fall asleep in a dressing room and awaken on a floating spaceship kind of thing. It is set on a grid like an old-school video game. I am below and am shooting people off and pulling them off the grid so that they float in space forever. A TV crew is filming me but there is nowhere for them to transmit their feed since we are floating in space. Finally, everyone tips off the structure and we all float off forever. We don't really seem to live or die, we just float there without purpose or direction. I remember being upset because there was plenty of food and we could have survived on the structure for a long long time.

Right before I woke, I discovered that someone was watching all of this on TV, ala the Truman Show.

Weird.

Tsunami...
I am still so sad and horrified by what I am seeing on the news. It is horrific and terrifying and I feel so much empathy for the people impacted. More maybe for those who lived even than those that died.
Tsunami Death Toll Jumps Over 120,000

Miscellaneous...
I have 95 movies on my blockbuster waiting list. It will take me years to watch all of those. A good proportion of them are new or coming releases but there are also some classics or movies that I have missed somewhere along the way.

Watched more of Buffy, Season One last night. It is really quite good. I can see why it developed such a following. The characters are well drawn-even in early shows. I like a lot.

Well, I have rambled and slacked enough over the first 90 minutes of work. I should play productive and earn my keep for a while now.

Happy New Year!

New Year's Superstitions

I hate the word blog...

I have come to hate the word blog. Once something becomes mainstream enough that my 94 year-old grandmother knows what it means, then it has usually been over used. I think back to the time when she told me she had to go because "Melrose" was on...the show was cancelled the same season. And that was what, 10 years ago?

Anyway, dear grandma asked me to set up one of those new blog things for her so she can tell everyone about her life. Quite progressive, she is. I would hate to think about what she would write on a blog of her own. Yikes.

I feel sad today. It is just devastating that they are projecting 80,000 people will have died in Asia from the Tsunami. So sad. I am afraid that the worst is still to come for some of those people. There is no way that there can be sufficient fresh water or food. You see civilians, tourists, carrying the bodies of the dead.

I hear that they are burying the dead with their bare hands. Yet locally, the poster child for survival in Asia is Oprah's decorator. I understand that that news channels are attempting to make the tragedy personal for the American people, but Oprah's decorator as the hero? Please. What does that say about us as a culture? Are we so unable to picture the grief and horror and despair that we need a familiar, white face upon it to make it personal and emotionally connected. I have never been to any of the areas impacted, yet I feel a huge amount of sadness for those who are impacted.

There are bodies floating in the water. The horror of this. Even it you cannot connect with this, emotionally, I'm sure that people will understand that corpses will destroy what little water they have left. The sanitation and burial process is horrific. Those poor, poor people.

I remember when the towers fell on September 11th. My brother who was 13 at the time could not understand why people were so upset. He could not make a personal connection with the horror. He lacked the maturity to understand. Yes, he recognized that a horrible thing had happened but did not understand the magnitude of the event. After all, we live in Washington, all the way across the United States from New York. They didn't attack us, they attacked New Yorkers.

Anyway, enough social commentary for one day. Peace.

Day before Thanksgiving...

Day before Thanksgiving...Thanksgiving is just blah for me. The whole purpose is to sit around a large table, gorge oneself and fight with your family. As my family seems to be shrinking in size and I have not done my part to procreate as of yet, the main focus now is on food alone.

This year, Jay and his family are going to Kari's family. That leaves just the standard five. Hopefully, it is a day that is relaxed, calm and fun if possible. I'll take People magazines for Grandma to read, Elf for Ben to watch and try to help Mom as much as possible. Dad, well I know Dad won't have a nice time no matter what happens.

I remember when I was living far away and working retail. Being home with them, expeiencing this holiday was so important, so vital to me. I would drive for five hours, sleep, eat and leave. Now I see them all at least once a week. I do value my time with my family but I also know that we tend to not appreciate each other as much since we are so familiar.

The day after Thanksgiving was always an exciting, fun and exhausting experience for me while working at the Big M. I always looked upon it with a mix of anticipation and dread. You know what to expect. Long lines, steadily emptying shelves and displays. Calls for your attention in more directions than can be imagined. The shoppers on this particular day were normally well behaved. They came to the mall expecting to wait in line, expecting to face a crowd. They are cheerful and eager to enjoy a day of retail therapy at a time when they would normally be working in their own jobs. They wake early, credit card in hand. Ready to do some damage.

As the season runs on, tempers short. The same woman who cheerfully stood in line for 20 minutes on the Day After now won't hold for three minutes while someone does a price check. Their credit cards are maxed and their lists are still long. They take their anxiety and stress and bile on whatever target is closest.

Finally, Christmas arrives and what I personally feel is the 2nd biggest day of shopping comes to pass. The day after Christmas is a time of returns (why people won't wait a day or two I'll never know). Scavengers come in seeking clearance bargains. Scams run aplenty.

When comparing the Day After of a month ago and the one in December, it is startling. The patient shopper has now grown teeth and horns. They bite and chew and complain and threaten. They attempt to return items which have been used for the entire season for no valid reason. Half eaten cakes are returned because they have grown stale. Lightbulbs have burned out after two months of continuous use and returns MUST be made.

Once the season is over some time in mid-January. Any sane retail employee will plan for a relaxing vacation away from the hustle and bustle and tantrums and mess. Batteries must be recharged.

A slight degree of Christmas spirit must find a way to reenter or the season will be ruined for you forever. I don't know that my spirit has really healed entirely in the past thee years since I left that life. At times, I think maybe it has. At others, I am pretty sure that wild horses could not drag me near a mall on November 26th. I miss it but I would never, EVER do it again.

Monday, Monday

Weekend was ok. I suppose. Worked in the yard a little bit. Watched others work in my yard quite a bit more. Working to landscape. Younger brother rotortilled the entire backyard and will now commence to rake and rake and rake it until smooth enough to plant grass. He will be paid handsomely. Also weeded the side yard and have plans to lay landscaping rock around the lilacs and other stuff in that area. Hope it looks nice when it is done.

Went to see the Village. Kind of weird. Not scary. The end made me think. Was totally not what I was expecting. Can't say that I enjoyed it but it did kind of stay with me. Kind of like the movie Elephant. Didn't enjoy it too much but made me think.

I recently read the book Life of Pi. That novel made me question my own thought patterns. You go along believing something throughout the novel. You take it as a reality. Then BAM! At the end an explanation for what happened came along that is more "realistic" more situated into my current world vision and it became the reality. Even though that explanation was offered with sarcasm and and almost fertilize manner. Interesting how your beliefs are formed, how they impact how you see the world.