Goodbye PMI...

So Wells Fargo didn't like something about my loan. My broker called some other places while waiting for their final decision (which they are still working on). This other place will give the same rate AND not charge PMI. That is a little more than $50 per month less in payments. I am very happy about this. I actually felt 10 of the extra 100 lbs lift from my shoulders just now.

Googling can make things worse...

I am totally stressing out today. Stress makes me a pretty horrendous raving bitch. I'm tense. My neck hurts. I may be having a heart attack. Nerves suck. I decided to make myself better by looking in to what my next steps will be once I sign that paper tomorrow. I googled the phrase "I bought a house, now what?" This brought up about 1000 blogs where people ranted and raved about buyers remorse and lemons they purchased. This did not make me feel better. So far, I have packed exactly one box. I think I might just get myself drunk. Maybe that will make me feel better, or at least feel drunk. Either way, could be worse.

It's almost time...

SO, by 5:00 tomorrow, I could be a home owner. Of course, saying you are a home owner is really a misnomer. In reality, by 5:00 tomorrow, I will become an indentured servant to Wells Fargo and the city of ML for the next 30 years. I may also have to contribute to the college funds of my local plumber and electrician. In reality, I believe by tomorrow at 5:00 I may have a home that owns me.

I'm nervous and scared. Seriously considering taking a roommate to help with the bills. Worried about things that don't matter. Putting off packing because it is not fun. Ya know, the normal stuff of life.

David Bell...

David Bell-that is who my home inspector reminded me of! I knew it was someone. This is obviously a flashback crush-I totally was smitten with David Bell when he played for the Mariner's five or six years ago. I think I'm 14 again. Geez.

I'm tired of myself...

I am tired of talking about my house, tired of thinking about my house, tired of hemmoraging money toward my house. I'm sure everyone around me is also tired of my house. I just wish the hell it was all over and I could move in. Soon I hope.

I had the housing inspection today. Looks pretty good. Needs a new hot water heater, some minor (I hope, estimate to come tomorrow) plumbing repair and repair on the dishwasher. Other than that, nothing too major. It is sold "as is" since it is a repo, so I just need to decide if I can accept it or want to back out of the deal. It's all contingent on the plumbing estimate. Thank God I have the money coming from the sale of my stocks to help pay for all this crap.

I have a tiny married guy crush on the housing inspector. I really liked him. Totally a cutie too.

Ok, time to think of something that is NOT to do with my house. Wonder what's on TV tonight?

I liked both of these when they came across my desk today...

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. - Clyde Campbell

The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

SIMPLE RULES TO LIVE BY…

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman with whom you love to talk. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.

Day three of house watch...

Day three of the house watch...

I resisted driving past the house today. It would have just looked the same as yesterday anyway. I couldn't sleep last night. Excitement, fear, apprehension, plans all swirled around in my head for hours.

Since I know that I have a couple of hours of house purchasing stuff to do tomorrow during work hours, I went in to work tonight for a couple of hours. I try really hard not to let my pesonal stuff get in the way with my work stuff. I don't like the two to twist too much.

During the hours of tossing and turning last night, I realized that excitement is becoming one of my emotions with the process. I'm trying to let myself get not too excited until I get the inspection back. Hopefully, I can get that scheduled tomorrow. That will cost me 250 buckaroos. Oh well, it's only money, right.

Baby bro starts college tomorrow. Good luck to him.

My final thought for the day, straight from Who Moved My Cheese

When you push beyond the fear, you feel free.

Homebuying day two

Today-I panic. How am I going to afford all of this? There are so many things that I will need to pay out for. A shower curtain, a new sprinkler head, a washing machine that doesn't leak. Freaking out, freaking 0ut... Then tonight my dad started talking about how I would need to have something changed over with the electricity. I have no idea what the hell he is talking about and don't really need him adding more money stress on my right now. He can sure be an ass.

Breathe, just breathe. I can do this. I think I may need to take a couple of days off work over the next couple of weeks.

I drove by the house today and the appraiser was there. Hopefully, he finds that the house is worth 20% what I paid for it and I got the deal of the century. A girl can hope, right?

My to-do lists...
New house:
Clean and caulk crack in garage wall
Install lighting fixture in kitchen
Sand and refines floors, especially master bedroom
Buy shower curtain, rods, rings for bathroom
Look at new washers
Paint
Check all sprinkler heads, replace broken ones
Arrange for utilities: Power, Water/etc., cable, phones
Change mail over
Do something with window in bathtub?

Old house:
Deep clean all rooms
Scrub bathroom-mold there is a problem
Start packing and purging, plan for Goodwill donations
Get boxes for packing
Weed/clean out side flowerbed that I have let get really overgrown

For purchase:
Complete remaining paperwork for mortgage
Arrange for home owner's insurance
Schedule house inspection for early next week

There is more, I know that there is much much more.

Agggg...Panic! at the computer. I wish I was married so I could share all this stress with someone! Or at least have someone to ply me with drinks to help me relax.

In other news...My mom has been quite depressed all summer. It was pretty bad. Somehow, she finally got the courage up yesterday to mention it to her doctor and they gave her an antidepressants. Within an hour, she was sure that whatever chemical imbalance had been impacting her was being fixed by the miracle drug. I'm glad she is feeling better, but it always concerns me when someone starts on that path. It just does not seem to have an end. Maybe they gave her a placebo? I can wish at least, right?

House diary part one...

I bought a house today. It's the Ivy Street place. I really do love it and I don't think that in 10 years time I will regret the purchase. But I am scared to death right now. It's not about the responsibility or commitment-it's all about money. I need to find a way to make more of it. I have already decided that I need to make some lifestyle choices: no more lunches or coffee out (150/month in August), cut Blockbuster.com (22/month), transfer to my parent's family cell plan (22/month), change TV provider (22/month), reevaluate car insurance (40/month), stop investing for the time being (45/month). Those small changes will actually make up the difference in my rent and mortgage including insurance, taxes and PMI.

That PMI sure does suck. Too bad I don't have the savings to buy with 20% down. Such is life.

I love and appreciate my mom so much. She has been open with her purse strings in a way that I never imagined. She received an inheritance when my grandmother died. She has held this money close to her, spending it on no one, frittering it away in the same manner that her own mother did. Now she has offered as much as I need-without clarification. And wants to give it to me, not loan it. I will consider this a loan-even if I am 90 when it is repaid.

I have decided to track my emotions through this process. Today I am curiously numb. A little apprehensive. A little excited. Pretty much ok.

I know that my real estate agent was disappointed that I was not more emotional today when I signed papers. I think that since I was so tearful the first time, that she expected some overt enthuaism today. I'm just not feeling it. I'm excited. But sure in my choice. I am not a screamer. I would never make it on stage of the Price is Right or Extreme Home Makeover. I don't scream OH MY GOD with seven exclamation points behind the words. It's just not me, not my MO. Rookie realtor will just have to deal.

Books, books, books...

When reading, I can tell if a book has not fully caught my imagniation. I wander off a bit, ponder things that have nothing to do with the plot, sometimes cast the movie... Things that are not truly relevant to character development or enrichment of the story. However, when I am interested and wrapped in to the novel, I'm stuck. I keep on the track of the author. I let them lead me.

When I recently read Night, I never deviated. I never pondered how Liam Neeson would look as the father. Never thought of a famous 20-something as Elie. Just never happend. It seldom happens when I am reading a well crafted love story, novel, or business manual. But it does happen.

I finished Dean Koontz's Forever Odd today. It totally happened with this book. I loved the first story of Odd Thomas. This time, it just didn't focus me well. I kept thinking about who would do well if they ever created the movie. And the characterizations were really not all that complementary.

For Odd, I kept thinking either that creepy boner-med guy, Smiling Bob or maybe Toby McGuire's character from Pleastville. Neither really compliments the hero that Odd can be.

Smiling Bob (Yuck)

For his friend the police cheif, the guy from Monk. Totally and without question.

Thinking of his fat friend Ozzie, one came to mind as well:

Maybe it's just me.

Ivy Street, isn't that cute?

"My" house is on the market again-and it's price has been reduced. I'm making another offer. One that is $12k less than the first. And I feel good about it. No tears this time or anything. And I really don't think that there will be any tears if they don't accept the offer either. It's too bad that I am dealing with a bank as a seller instead of a person. An individual may be more willing to bargain and barter than a cold business entity. Guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I'm not sharing this with anyone this time. I'll just wait and keep it close to the chest. For now.

This made me really sad...

Poor panda mom...

Panda inconsolable after crushing cub
China's Ya Ya wails and looks for new-born twin she accidentally killed

Kermit rocks..

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.

Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Childhood musings...

A friend of mine is having a baby this winter. She has a teenager and will now have a newborn. This brings back so many memories of my childhood and teenage years. When I was 13 my baby brother was born. What a hard time that was. I was writing an email to her and the memories sure came on-both the good and the bad.

I remember one time when I was 13 or 14 and I had him with me in smart. I have always looked older than my age. The boobs came on early and big in this house. This old lady came up to me and called me a slut to my face because I was a young teenager with a small baby. It makes me so angry now-18 years later-that some old, hateful bitch could do that to me. People are awful.

I can also remember feeling like he was my baby sometimes. I would fall asleep with him on my belly. That baby feeling of total relaxation can't be beat.

There were tough times then too. My younger brother turned in to a destructive, horrid bastard. Our parents were older and really didn't want a 3rd child. He was so abusive and mean-I think he was just looking for the attention-but it didn't stop me from being horribly afraid for what would happen to the baby. I worried about going away to college, who would protect the baby (or the small boy by then)? What would he do to him? To the family?

Even five years later, when I traveled out of the country for the first time, I worried about what might happen. Baby brother was nearly 10 by then. But older brother was living at home. The entire time I was in Mexico, I had nightmares and night terrors of receiving calls saying that he had murdered them. All of them. He is kind of mean and can be out of control now, but back then he was violent and unpredictable and awful. It was a scary time.

Oh yeah, those were the good times. Thank god we all made it to adulthood. Baby bro is now 18 and big enough to care for himself. Brother is out of town, has a family of his own. Mom and dad still aren't that interested in parenting, good thing they are almost done. We all made it somehow.

They blew up Walnut Grove!

So I'm flipping channels tonight, trying to find something to entertain me on this long weekend. And I come across this craptastic offering ~ Little House : The Last Farewell. Now I missed the first half, but from what I summarize the railroad or some other evil 19th century businessman comes along and buys up Walnut Grove somehow. So the fine people of the town blow the whole fucking thing up. That's right. The Ingalls et all use dynamite from the mine and blow up Walnut Grove. There goes all of my childhood memories in a single bang.

I suppose that this is intended to show how the frontier folks of the town are plucky and all, but they still BLEW UP THE TOWN. So so wrong.

I know I watched this show when I was very young and somehow missed this gem. Some of it's other offerings include a mullet-child of Laura and Almonzo. I missed it in my youth, but I'm not sure now how that femme cry baby "Manly" was able to father a child. Shannon Doherty is doing something there. Someone's sister or something. I didn't remember her either. And Laura and family also had this fruity Lost in Space type Dr. Smith living with them.

I am very very glad that I did not see this when I was young. It would have ruined Little House for me forever.

One other note, Willie Olson is much better looking than I remember. Willie, where are you today?