So I broke myself free of the funk of earlier this week. Then yesterday hit. An entire night with the family. What do you do when those who you love and who supposedly love you most are the ones who make you feel worst about yourself? How to react to that?
One is so notably depressed that nothing will shake them from their funk, the other is a slightly mental bully who somehow makes their life seem better by picking at everyone around them. I never really thought of it, but I do feel worse when I spend lots of time there. What a depressing thought.
Why can't I have one of those close-knit, well balanced and normal families like I see on tv? Is this one of those things like perfect hair or brilliantly white, straight smiles or snappy comebacks that are purely manufactured by skilled screenwriters and cosmetologists? Does what I want even exist or am I setting myself up for disappointment by even wishing it was out there?
I suppose one of the even bigger questions is why I am in my early 30's and still letting my family impact me like this. What kind of unexplored issues lie within me that even make me have these thoughts. Is there something underdeveloped in my psyche? Was my maturity retarded at some stage? Or am I just being an introspective whiner-bag ala 90's Dawson's Creek episodes who just needs to cut the crap?
Suppose it is all food for thought. I have some time, I won't be answering the phone for a while without checking the caller ID to make sure it's not my mom on the other end.
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