Ok, I did it. I bought myself a treadmill. I am pretty darn out of shape, so it was a workout to use it for 15 minutes at 2% incline. I'm sweating and my legs are a bit rubbery, but I do feel accomplished. Per my weight (and the clever calculations on my new toy) I used almost 200 calories. And that doesn't even count the sweat and exertion I used putting the damn thing together. Not bad for my first day.
Gold's Gym 450 Treadmill - Wal-Mart
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Candidate Finder...
Guess I'm an Obama girl...
Presidential Candidate Selection Quiz
Presidential Candidate Selection Quiz
- Theoretical Ideal Candidate (100%)
- Barack Obama (74%)
- Dennis Kucinich (71%)
- Christopher Dodd (withdrawn) (66%)
- Michael Bloomberg (says he will not run) (66%)
- Al Gore (not announced) (65%)
- Alan Augustson (campaign suspended) (65%)
- Hillary Clinton (65%)
- Joseph Biden (withdrawn) (65%)
- John Edwards (64%)
I also really liked THIS side-by-side comparison. I think an election of Huckabee would be about the worst thing ever. Or maybe just the second coming of George W.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Teacher, teacher...
I spent most of my Saturday organizing my GED classroom. I start on Monday. I feel so unprepared. I'm terrified. I KNOW that I can do it, but I don't have confidence about how well I will. I like to feel qualified, prepared and competent when starting a new task. I do everything I can to make sure I'm ready. This uncertainty is rough on me. And probably good for my anal self as well.
And, if nothing else makes me feel better...The extra money each month is gonna ROCK!
And, if nothing else makes me feel better...The extra money each month is gonna ROCK!
Presidential Debates...
I was at my parents tonight watching the Democratic debate. My grandmother was there. She completely hates Obama because he is a dirty Muslim. I know that she is several generations removed from me, and I can be very liberal, but I really think this is out of line.
As the family,we looked up his bio. He is not Muslim, was not raised Muslim and was married in a Christian church.
I think, although she will never admit it, that she is just as bothered by the fact that he is black as that he has a Muslim connection.
I find it funny, though. She thinks Hillary is just the bee's knees. She thinks that women should vote for women, platforms, experience or other factors be-damned. Women should vote for women. Period.
As the family,we looked up his bio. He is not Muslim, was not raised Muslim and was married in a Christian church.
I think, although she will never admit it, that she is just as bothered by the fact that he is black as that he has a Muslim connection.
I find it funny, though. She thinks Hillary is just the bee's knees. She thinks that women should vote for women, platforms, experience or other factors be-damned. Women should vote for women. Period.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Resolutions...
I can't decide. Do I set actual resolutions for the year? Or do I ignore all? Or do I set fluffy things that I know I can complete to give myself a sense of accomplishment?
When I teach a workshop at work, we focus on goal setting. What do we want to do short term, intermediate and long term? Maybe I'll do that.
Short Term Goal: Pay down 50% of my consumer debt within next 12 months
Steps to Accomplishing my goal:
1. Start new part-time job, put 90% of income toward credit card debt.
2. If receiving tax return, use funds to pay off remaining car note.
3. Stop spending needlessly.
4. Commit to spending-free month January 2008.
Short Term Goal: Lose 50 lbs within the next 12 months
Steps to Accomplishing my goal:
1. I honestly have no fricking idea.
2. Do some research so I know where to start, have complete by 1/15/08.
3. Start moving my bod at least a few minutes every day. Jump rope 10 minutes, walk the dog, do yoga. You can do anything for 10 minutes, right? Anything to get this couch potato self in motion.
Long Term Goal: I really want to be fit, healthy and happy by age 35.
That is 18 months from now. Totally do-able. One step at a time.
When I teach a workshop at work, we focus on goal setting. What do we want to do short term, intermediate and long term? Maybe I'll do that.
Short Term Goal: Pay down 50% of my consumer debt within next 12 months
Steps to Accomplishing my goal:
1. Start new part-time job, put 90% of income toward credit card debt.
2. If receiving tax return, use funds to pay off remaining car note.
3. Stop spending needlessly.
4. Commit to spending-free month January 2008.
Short Term Goal: Lose 50 lbs within the next 12 months
Steps to Accomplishing my goal:
1. I honestly have no fricking idea.
2. Do some research so I know where to start, have complete by 1/15/08.
3. Start moving my bod at least a few minutes every day. Jump rope 10 minutes, walk the dog, do yoga. You can do anything for 10 minutes, right? Anything to get this couch potato self in motion.
Long Term Goal: I really want to be fit, healthy and happy by age 35.
That is 18 months from now. Totally do-able. One step at a time.
Incredibly Timely...
I hate that I have often sent a gift to someone for a wedding, birthday or other event and have never received any response at all too it. I suppose that Ms. Manners would take issue if I printed a copy of this article and attached it with every gift card, huh? Thank you Mary Hunt for this great article.
How and Why to Write a Thank-You Note
In these high-tech times when text-messaging and email are the preferred method of written communication, it might not have even crossed your mind to ask this important question: Do I have to send an old-fashioned thank-you note when someone gives me a gift? In a word, yes.
It’s right, it’s proper and it’s good for you.
It is not difficult, nor should it be time consuming to write a simple, heartfelt note of thanks in response to a gift or other act of kindness.
Here are the elements of a well-written thank-you note:
GREETING. Keep it simple. “Dear Aunt Mary…” works well.
EXPRESS GRATITUDE. State your thanks and identify the specific gift: “Thank you so much for the video game. It’s a perfect addition to my Wii collection, and I appreciate it so much.” Or “Thank you for the sweater, which is the exact color I would have chosen.”
The only exception to the specific reference is if the gift was money. In that case do not say, “Thank you for the $100.” Say simply, “Thank you for the generous gift which is greatly appreciated.” However, in the event Aunt Mary actually took the time to create a clever presentation, it would be perfectly acceptable to say, “Your generosity is exceeded only by your clever ability to fold money into a beautiful swan.”
DISCUSS USE. A simple sentence that indicates how you will use the gift comes next. “I know I will get plenty of use from this sweater during my semester abroad in Antarctica.” Or, “It is my all-time favorite game so you can be sure that I will think of you often.” Or, “It will be spent well to help furnish the baby’s room.”
MENTION THE PAST, REFER TO THE FUTURE. Possibly the most important part of your message is reference to how this person fits into your life. Something like, “I remember fondly snow tubing with you on the hill behind the farm and I look forward to seeing you soon.” Or “You are in my thoughts and I hope to see you soon.”
REVISIT GRATITUDE. As you close your note, state again your gratitude. “Thanks again for your gift” is an appropriate way to close your note.
REGARDS. Wrap things up with a gentle close and your name. “Fondly, Joe” or “Love, Laura” are excellent choices.
There. Seal it up and get it into the mail. Even if you are the only person you know sending thank-you notes, don’t let that deter you. You’ve demonstrated gracious living at a time when most are too busy to be bothered.
As an added bonus—but certainly not offered as an incentive to do the right thing—thank-you notes have been known to encourage repeat performances, as well as improve the frequency and quality of future gifts.
How and Why to Write a Thank-You Note
In these high-tech times when text-messaging and email are the preferred method of written communication, it might not have even crossed your mind to ask this important question: Do I have to send an old-fashioned thank-you note when someone gives me a gift? In a word, yes.
It’s right, it’s proper and it’s good for you.
It is not difficult, nor should it be time consuming to write a simple, heartfelt note of thanks in response to a gift or other act of kindness.
Here are the elements of a well-written thank-you note:
GREETING. Keep it simple. “Dear Aunt Mary…” works well.
EXPRESS GRATITUDE. State your thanks and identify the specific gift: “Thank you so much for the video game. It’s a perfect addition to my Wii collection, and I appreciate it so much.” Or “Thank you for the sweater, which is the exact color I would have chosen.”
The only exception to the specific reference is if the gift was money. In that case do not say, “Thank you for the $100.” Say simply, “Thank you for the generous gift which is greatly appreciated.” However, in the event Aunt Mary actually took the time to create a clever presentation, it would be perfectly acceptable to say, “Your generosity is exceeded only by your clever ability to fold money into a beautiful swan.”
DISCUSS USE. A simple sentence that indicates how you will use the gift comes next. “I know I will get plenty of use from this sweater during my semester abroad in Antarctica.” Or, “It is my all-time favorite game so you can be sure that I will think of you often.” Or, “It will be spent well to help furnish the baby’s room.”
MENTION THE PAST, REFER TO THE FUTURE. Possibly the most important part of your message is reference to how this person fits into your life. Something like, “I remember fondly snow tubing with you on the hill behind the farm and I look forward to seeing you soon.” Or “You are in my thoughts and I hope to see you soon.”
REVISIT GRATITUDE. As you close your note, state again your gratitude. “Thanks again for your gift” is an appropriate way to close your note.
REGARDS. Wrap things up with a gentle close and your name. “Fondly, Joe” or “Love, Laura” are excellent choices.
There. Seal it up and get it into the mail. Even if you are the only person you know sending thank-you notes, don’t let that deter you. You’ve demonstrated gracious living at a time when most are too busy to be bothered.
As an added bonus—but certainly not offered as an incentive to do the right thing—thank-you notes have been known to encourage repeat performances, as well as improve the frequency and quality of future gifts.
My 2008 Horoscope...
Found this. I know it's stupid, but I do believe in this sort of thing. I'll have to revisit at year end to see if it's true or not.
Basic Characteristics Profile (Some of this is true, some of it SO not me!)
The zodiac sign of Cancer is ruled by Moon. Individuals born under this water sun sign have a very pleasing personality and are good looking. They usually have a round face (True) and a medium height (Well, I'm 5'7, a little tall for a woman but not hugely so).
Cancerians have a moody nature (True!!), which is quite prone to changes. They are very playful, lighthearted, highly imaginative, sociable, and love water. They believe in doing things that are in sync with the times and know how to get their work done.
Cancerian individuals love traveling around, visiting new places and playing in water (If practical, I would live near the ocean, my absolute favorite place in this world). They can become successful writers, poets, etc. Such individuals are very patient (NOT!) by nature and are prone to thinking deeply over what others say to them (I can linger over one word for WEEKS). They have a sharp memory and are often the most loved and the most pampered one in the family. Cancerians love their family and are very gentle by nature. They never hurt anyone intentionally and not too prone to anger.
General Astrological Forecast
Jupiter will remain in the sixth house throughout the year. On the other hand, the planets Saturn and Ketu will remain in the second house, while Mars will be in the twelfth house of the zodiac.
Wealth, Career and Business
As far as the matters of wealth, career and business are concerned, this year will be fairly good for Cancerians. For more success, they need to put in a lot of hard work. This will ensure that the obstacles in the way of prosperity are immediately removed. Your luck may not favor you much in the area of wealth and career and you may undergo some financial pressures too. Even then, there are chances of an improvement in the monetary front. Business momentum will be fairly good, but not exceptional. However, if you put in lots and lots of efforts, the results will be exceptionally good and you will have great achievements in your business. Money will slip out of hands moments before coming in. This will happen mainly in the first half of the year. After September, the conditions are likely to improve and you may form some national and international alliances too. For students, this year will bring mixed results. However, there are chances of their hard work being rewarded with success.
Health
In case of health matters, the positions of Jupiter, Ketu and Saturn are not too favorable. Air-borne diseases, viral fever, blood pressure and other physical problems may ail you. Take good care of your health and exercise great caution. Otherwise, you may have to spend heavily on your health expenditures. Be careful while driving and do not take too much tension. The elder people need to take excessive care of their health. There are chances of an improvement in health from August onwards.
Love Matters
In case of love matters, this year will bring mixed results for the Cancer individuals, especially the earlier months. There may be some tiffs with your loved one, even fights and major arguments. Things are likely to improve after August. You may come across a long-lost friend. Do not take decisions in a hurry or you are going to repent it later on.
Travel
There are indications of undergoing a long journey, even an overseas one. However, travel-related expenditure may lead to some pressure on the financial front and be a cause for some amount of tension.
Domestic Life
On the domestic front, thing will be neither good nor bad. There may be some tense moments in the family too, especially the time period of January to June. There are chances of your being involved in court and legal matters. Beware of being cheated by others. You may gain from some news brought by mail or internet. You may get the pleasure of getting married, party or other happy occasions.
Basic Characteristics Profile (Some of this is true, some of it SO not me!)
The zodiac sign of Cancer is ruled by Moon. Individuals born under this water sun sign have a very pleasing personality and are good looking. They usually have a round face (True) and a medium height (Well, I'm 5'7, a little tall for a woman but not hugely so).
Cancerians have a moody nature (True!!), which is quite prone to changes. They are very playful, lighthearted, highly imaginative, sociable, and love water. They believe in doing things that are in sync with the times and know how to get their work done.
Cancerian individuals love traveling around, visiting new places and playing in water (If practical, I would live near the ocean, my absolute favorite place in this world). They can become successful writers, poets, etc. Such individuals are very patient (NOT!) by nature and are prone to thinking deeply over what others say to them (I can linger over one word for WEEKS). They have a sharp memory and are often the most loved and the most pampered one in the family. Cancerians love their family and are very gentle by nature. They never hurt anyone intentionally and not too prone to anger.
General Astrological Forecast
Jupiter will remain in the sixth house throughout the year. On the other hand, the planets Saturn and Ketu will remain in the second house, while Mars will be in the twelfth house of the zodiac.
Wealth, Career and Business
As far as the matters of wealth, career and business are concerned, this year will be fairly good for Cancerians. For more success, they need to put in a lot of hard work. This will ensure that the obstacles in the way of prosperity are immediately removed. Your luck may not favor you much in the area of wealth and career and you may undergo some financial pressures too. Even then, there are chances of an improvement in the monetary front. Business momentum will be fairly good, but not exceptional. However, if you put in lots and lots of efforts, the results will be exceptionally good and you will have great achievements in your business. Money will slip out of hands moments before coming in. This will happen mainly in the first half of the year. After September, the conditions are likely to improve and you may form some national and international alliances too. For students, this year will bring mixed results. However, there are chances of their hard work being rewarded with success.
Health
In case of health matters, the positions of Jupiter, Ketu and Saturn are not too favorable. Air-borne diseases, viral fever, blood pressure and other physical problems may ail you. Take good care of your health and exercise great caution. Otherwise, you may have to spend heavily on your health expenditures. Be careful while driving and do not take too much tension. The elder people need to take excessive care of their health. There are chances of an improvement in health from August onwards.
Love Matters
In case of love matters, this year will bring mixed results for the Cancer individuals, especially the earlier months. There may be some tiffs with your loved one, even fights and major arguments. Things are likely to improve after August. You may come across a long-lost friend. Do not take decisions in a hurry or you are going to repent it later on.
Travel
There are indications of undergoing a long journey, even an overseas one. However, travel-related expenditure may lead to some pressure on the financial front and be a cause for some amount of tension.
Domestic Life
On the domestic front, thing will be neither good nor bad. There may be some tense moments in the family too, especially the time period of January to June. There are chances of your being involved in court and legal matters. Beware of being cheated by others. You may gain from some news brought by mail or internet. You may get the pleasure of getting married, party or other happy occasions.
Happy 2008 World...
I celebrated the coming of 2008 just as I entered 2007. No fanfare, alone, in bed.
I don't really get New Year's. I have done the parties, spend hideous cover charges to get in the right clubs. Dressed up, dressed down. Drank much. But I have never really enjoyed it.
For Y2K I was on call at work, required to stay within 10 minutes of my employer and sober. As all of my friends lived quite far away, I was unable to join any festivities so I rented a couple of movies, cleaned my apartment and gave myself a facial. Best New Year's Eve ever.
I've tried to keep the tradition up but often someone well intentioned will find out I'm planning to be alone and make sure I can't be. They find ways, gentle or not, to make sure I am where they are and having "fun". When possible, I break away pre-midnight and make my way home. Sleep by midnight if possible.
Does this make me a New Year's scrooge? Or just an old before their time hermit? Either way, it's who I like to be on this one night of the year. Just don't tell anyone.
I don't really get New Year's. I have done the parties, spend hideous cover charges to get in the right clubs. Dressed up, dressed down. Drank much. But I have never really enjoyed it.
For Y2K I was on call at work, required to stay within 10 minutes of my employer and sober. As all of my friends lived quite far away, I was unable to join any festivities so I rented a couple of movies, cleaned my apartment and gave myself a facial. Best New Year's Eve ever.
I've tried to keep the tradition up but often someone well intentioned will find out I'm planning to be alone and make sure I can't be. They find ways, gentle or not, to make sure I am where they are and having "fun". When possible, I break away pre-midnight and make my way home. Sleep by midnight if possible.
Does this make me a New Year's scrooge? Or just an old before their time hermit? Either way, it's who I like to be on this one night of the year. Just don't tell anyone.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Happy yet sad...
The Rah's and Boo's of a half-finished week...
I'll go with the good news first-One of my friends at work found a new job and will have to quit her night job because of it. Guess who she suggested to take her place... That's right, moi. This will bring in a nice chunk of money for me for only six hours of work (give or take) per week. I'm nervous, it's something that I've never done before. But WOW will the money help. And it gives me an opportunity to explore an occupation that I have been interested in for a long time. Yay. I need to do some paperwork and pretty much train myself. I think it could be a trial by fire, but WHEN I succeed the rewards will be great.
The bad-I will really miss seeing my friend every day. Yeah,
she'll be around. But I'm going to miss her. That is always a
bummer. It just won't be the same. But the opportunity for her
is just outstanding. I certainly can't blame her for taking this chance.
And if it looks really great, maybe she can take me along in a year or so!
Other happiness... VH1 Best Songs of the 90's is on for four glorious hours tonight. 'Nuff said.
Other boos... My dad has been unemployed for almost 6 months. I really don't want to share my happy news because I know that either A) He'll feel crappy and sulk because I walked in to a new job and he can't find one or B) He'll totally rain on my joy by bringing up something I don't want to talk about like tax brackets. Yeah, he can suck that way.
So. Rah and boo. Giggle and cry. Day of ups and downs topped by chex mix for dinner. Things could be worse.
I'll go with the good news first-One of my friends at work found a new job and will have to quit her night job because of it. Guess who she suggested to take her place... That's right, moi. This will bring in a nice chunk of money for me for only six hours of work (give or take) per week. I'm nervous, it's something that I've never done before. But WOW will the money help. And it gives me an opportunity to explore an occupation that I have been interested in for a long time. Yay. I need to do some paperwork and pretty much train myself. I think it could be a trial by fire, but WHEN I succeed the rewards will be great.
The bad-I will really miss seeing my friend every day. Yeah,
she'll be around. But I'm going to miss her. That is always a
bummer. It just won't be the same. But the opportunity for her
is just outstanding. I certainly can't blame her for taking this chance.
And if it looks really great, maybe she can take me along in a year or so!
Other happiness... VH1 Best Songs of the 90's is on for four glorious hours tonight. 'Nuff said.
Other boos... My dad has been unemployed for almost 6 months. I really don't want to share my happy news because I know that either A) He'll feel crappy and sulk because I walked in to a new job and he can't find one or B) He'll totally rain on my joy by bringing up something I don't want to talk about like tax brackets. Yeah, he can suck that way.
So. Rah and boo. Giggle and cry. Day of ups and downs topped by chex mix for dinner. Things could be worse.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Vacation, all I ever wanted...
Two days only.... Two days until my lovely, wondrous, faboo 2-week Christmas vacation. I don't know that I have looked forward to a vacation as much since I was in grade school. I will do nothing I don't want to do during this wondrous 2-week period. Well, except spend lots and lots of time with the family. But other than that, sleep, paint, read trashy novels, shop, play with dog, sleep, watch tv, go to movies, sleep.
Bzzhonestness?
I love being a Bzzagent. It is a chance to try new products and give honest opinions about what you are trying. I have had some great new product experiences-Sonicare toothbrush, anyone? I have received some great books, tried some of the yummiest candy bars ever. It's been a great experience so far.
Since joining, I have noticed one trend that concerns me at times. When you report your Bzz-tell the site about the conversations you have about the products you try out- you can't really be honest. If you explain to the powers that be that you didn't love the product and didn't really bzz (talk about) the product in the most positive light, your reports are scored lower than when you really loved and talked up something.
Example: I thought AOL kinda sucked. Bad scores on reporting. My style was the same, my feedback was honest and complete.
So now, I am stuck in a quandary. I have received a new product: the Sonicare UV Sanitizer. It's ok. I don't really have the faith that it is doing what I think it is supposed to. My brush really doesn't feel any more special or any cleaner. I hope that I'm not brushing with fungi or anything else funky even without using some fancy, counter cluttering appliance.
I have a hard time talking all about something's fabness when I don't believe it. But if I am honest, my bzzscores will go down. What to do, what to do?
Since joining, I have noticed one trend that concerns me at times. When you report your Bzz-tell the site about the conversations you have about the products you try out- you can't really be honest. If you explain to the powers that be that you didn't love the product and didn't really bzz (talk about) the product in the most positive light, your reports are scored lower than when you really loved and talked up something.
Example: I thought AOL kinda sucked. Bad scores on reporting. My style was the same, my feedback was honest and complete.
So now, I am stuck in a quandary. I have received a new product: the Sonicare UV Sanitizer. It's ok. I don't really have the faith that it is doing what I think it is supposed to. My brush really doesn't feel any more special or any cleaner. I hope that I'm not brushing with fungi or anything else funky even without using some fancy, counter cluttering appliance.
I have a hard time talking all about something's fabness when I don't believe it. But if I am honest, my bzzscores will go down. What to do, what to do?
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Familial Shit...
So I broke myself free of the funk of earlier this week. Then yesterday hit. An entire night with the family. What do you do when those who you love and who supposedly love you most are the ones who make you feel worst about yourself? How to react to that?
One is so notably depressed that nothing will shake them from their funk, the other is a slightly mental bully who somehow makes their life seem better by picking at everyone around them. I never really thought of it, but I do feel worse when I spend lots of time there. What a depressing thought.
Why can't I have one of those close-knit, well balanced and normal families like I see on tv? Is this one of those things like perfect hair or brilliantly white, straight smiles or snappy comebacks that are purely manufactured by skilled screenwriters and cosmetologists? Does what I want even exist or am I setting myself up for disappointment by even wishing it was out there?
I suppose one of the even bigger questions is why I am in my early 30's and still letting my family impact me like this. What kind of unexplored issues lie within me that even make me have these thoughts. Is there something underdeveloped in my psyche? Was my maturity retarded at some stage? Or am I just being an introspective whiner-bag ala 90's Dawson's Creek episodes who just needs to cut the crap?
Suppose it is all food for thought. I have some time, I won't be answering the phone for a while without checking the caller ID to make sure it's not my mom on the other end.
One is so notably depressed that nothing will shake them from their funk, the other is a slightly mental bully who somehow makes their life seem better by picking at everyone around them. I never really thought of it, but I do feel worse when I spend lots of time there. What a depressing thought.
Why can't I have one of those close-knit, well balanced and normal families like I see on tv? Is this one of those things like perfect hair or brilliantly white, straight smiles or snappy comebacks that are purely manufactured by skilled screenwriters and cosmetologists? Does what I want even exist or am I setting myself up for disappointment by even wishing it was out there?
I suppose one of the even bigger questions is why I am in my early 30's and still letting my family impact me like this. What kind of unexplored issues lie within me that even make me have these thoughts. Is there something underdeveloped in my psyche? Was my maturity retarded at some stage? Or am I just being an introspective whiner-bag ala 90's Dawson's Creek episodes who just needs to cut the crap?
Suppose it is all food for thought. I have some time, I won't be answering the phone for a while without checking the caller ID to make sure it's not my mom on the other end.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Queen of bitchy...
I have been in the worst mood at work this week. Hell, I've been in the worst mood everywhere lately. I have been thinking about it and have started to realize that my mood crappiness is very connected to the time of year. In the summer, I'm pretty much ok. Mood is fine. I don't bite the heads off everyone who approaches me with a slightly off look on their face, I don't inhale breads like mad. Come November, that all changes. Daylight savings time comes, it is dark when I drive to work, dark when I come home, cold ALL the time. My fridge currenly has SIX types of bread in it.
I did a little research on SAD (via google of course). Not that I like to think of diagnosing myself, but it sure does sound like me. My mood seems to peak after Christmas and picks up by March.
I don't really feel sad exactly, not quite what I expect of depression. But I sure am a mean piss head. I think I have some food for thought. It's not ruining my life, not making me totally miserable. But it sure is making me feel like a raving bitch. Of course, it could be that I just am a raving bitch lately and SAD has nothing to do with it. :)
I did a little research on SAD (via google of course). Not that I like to think of diagnosing myself, but it sure does sound like me. My mood seems to peak after Christmas and picks up by March.
I don't really feel sad exactly, not quite what I expect of depression. But I sure am a mean piss head. I think I have some food for thought. It's not ruining my life, not making me totally miserable. But it sure is making me feel like a raving bitch. Of course, it could be that I just am a raving bitch lately and SAD has nothing to do with it. :)
Saturday, December 08, 2007
The Long Winter - Features - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper
GREAT article about one woman's battle with Depression.
The Long Winter - Features - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper
The Long Winter - Features - The Stranger, Seattle's Only Newspaper
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Oh! NOW I get it...
Ok, I'm the kind of girl who can drop an F-bomb at a completely inappropriate time. I'm not especially naive. I totally get innuendo. Mostly. But I was just watching a preview for the Dewey Cox story for about the 100th time and I finally (FINALLY!) got all the penis references. Hello? Dewey Cox? Walk Hard? In my dream you're blowing me... kisses? Der.
Blech...
I feel the holiday blues right now. I am way more in debt than I feel comfortable with, feeling a little lonely and sad. Just a bit out of sorts.
I tried to cheer myself up. I put up the tree and decorated it. Made a yummy cake with peppermint sprinkles, went dollar store shopping. It all worked a little, but I still feel out of sorts.
I think I need a Christmas sweetie. And some cookies. And lots of money. And some new shoes and a really cute sweater. And, according to Jack, a little bobble head doll and a hamburger made out of sirloin.
Yeah, I think some of those could make me a little happier. Maybe. Or not.
I tried to cheer myself up. I put up the tree and decorated it. Made a yummy cake with peppermint sprinkles, went dollar store shopping. It all worked a little, but I still feel out of sorts.
I think I need a Christmas sweetie. And some cookies. And lots of money. And some new shoes and a really cute sweater. And, according to Jack, a little bobble head doll and a hamburger made out of sirloin.
Yeah, I think some of those could make me a little happier. Maybe. Or not.
Monday, December 03, 2007
Teachers, teddy bears and genocide...
Sudan pardons teddy bear teacher - Africa - msnbc.com
I have found this story really fascinating. I find it a little sad too-I have personally found it more interesting to read about a teddy bear and a British teacher than about genocide, 2 million people displaced and international boredom of the fact. What is wrong with us as a society, America? Maybe it is because the teddy bear story personalizes it: I can relate with the teacher, see that she is just like me in some way. Genocide is such a big word-it is hard to wrap your head around it or make it seem real. Sort of like comparing a pipeline explosion to a matchstick. Through experience, you know a matchstick can burn your fingertips. The explosion is a little harder to imagine thus a little less real. It feels like a Hollywood action, not a reality of life. But no matter what, I will always have the memories of my childhood teddy bear to make things real.
I have found this story really fascinating. I find it a little sad too-I have personally found it more interesting to read about a teddy bear and a British teacher than about genocide, 2 million people displaced and international boredom of the fact. What is wrong with us as a society, America? Maybe it is because the teddy bear story personalizes it: I can relate with the teacher, see that she is just like me in some way. Genocide is such a big word-it is hard to wrap your head around it or make it seem real. Sort of like comparing a pipeline explosion to a matchstick. Through experience, you know a matchstick can burn your fingertips. The explosion is a little harder to imagine thus a little less real. It feels like a Hollywood action, not a reality of life. But no matter what, I will always have the memories of my childhood teddy bear to make things real.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
WHAT was I thinking?
What in the name of pop culture was I thinking when I added Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter to my Blockbuster.com queue? It is really as bad-if not worse-than it sounds. The first spoken line is "Where are all my lesbians at?" and it pretty much continues to go to total crap from there.
I only lasted 15 minutes but that was enough to know that the title Jesus Christ A) Fights vampires B) Vampires who are lesbians C) are much much taller than Jesus Christ and D) Jesus realizes that life won't be complete without gauges placed in his ear lobes. What a craptastic mess.
The only thing that sort of made sense to me was when someone was reading a newspaper from Ottowa Canada. I know a grand total of one piece of Ottowa trivia and it's something that, if I were an Ottowian, would not be proud of.... Tom Green, he of one ball, Drew Barrymore marriage, Bum song singing.... Tom Green is from Ottowa. Him plus this mess of vampireness. Wow, they must have some serious civic pride.
I only lasted 15 minutes but that was enough to know that the title Jesus Christ A) Fights vampires B) Vampires who are lesbians C) are much much taller than Jesus Christ and D) Jesus realizes that life won't be complete without gauges placed in his ear lobes. What a craptastic mess.
The only thing that sort of made sense to me was when someone was reading a newspaper from Ottowa Canada. I know a grand total of one piece of Ottowa trivia and it's something that, if I were an Ottowian, would not be proud of.... Tom Green, he of one ball, Drew Barrymore marriage, Bum song singing.... Tom Green is from Ottowa. Him plus this mess of vampireness. Wow, they must have some serious civic pride.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On | The Onion - America's Finest News Source
OMG... As every fat kid knows-this totally works. Who hasn't been there at some point?
Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Fat Kid Successfully Avoids Ridicule By Swimming With Shirt On The Onion - America's Finest News Source
Monday, November 26, 2007
Heh...
Better be careful what you name your kids, folks...
Jamie Oliver gets Shiloh Pitt's name really wrong - ParentDish
Jamie Oliver gets Shiloh Pitt's name really wrong - ParentDish
Friday, November 23, 2007
TV Show Love...
Ok. New favorite show bar none: Dexter. I am love, love, LOVING Dexter. I have been sick for the past few days and just happened to have the first season waiting for me to watch from Netflix. What a great way to spend sick days at home over a holiday weekend. This show is so enjoyable that I am acutally considering dropping the $20 or so that Showtime would cost me each month. Yay for new (albiet late) discoveries!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
101 thoughts on losing 100 pounds — life, simply improved
I need to read this frequently. Sort of an inspiring list.
101 thoughts on losing 100 pounds — life, simply improved
101 thoughts on losing 100 pounds — life, simply improved
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Poor, poor pitiful me...
I'm a big Easter egg. I have a hard, tough crust but inside I am really soft and easily damaged. It is really hard for me to accept help from people, especially financial help. A few weeks ago, someone offered to purchase something for me. It will cost around a hundred bucks, but it is $100 that I really don't have right now. Tonight, I mentioned going tomorrow to purchase said item and the person denied ever offering to buy it. It's stupid and silly, but I felt humiliated. This was a family member, older and frankly a little scattered. But I was still so hurt and embarrassed to have brought it up and been denied.
I need to toughen and soften all at the same time. I know that my outer side it so hard to get through. I am abrasive and rough and keep people at arm's length so I don't get hurt. Then something small and minor just breaks my heart.
And the worst part? I cried and made mascara run on my favorite white tee. Now the bastard is probably stained too. I hope to GOD that I am PMSing. Tears over little things like this are just not ok.
What a shitty day in self-centered land.
I need to toughen and soften all at the same time. I know that my outer side it so hard to get through. I am abrasive and rough and keep people at arm's length so I don't get hurt. Then something small and minor just breaks my heart.
And the worst part? I cried and made mascara run on my favorite white tee. Now the bastard is probably stained too. I hope to GOD that I am PMSing. Tears over little things like this are just not ok.
What a shitty day in self-centered land.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
Day off randomness...
My farking head hurts today. I think I played too many games of Bejeweled on the Internet today and gave myself a headache. Ouchy. And what a STUPID waste of time! An entire day off and I blow it playing a stupid computer game. What's wrong with me?
I have to teach class all this week. The audience is unwilling and captive. Think it might be a tough one. Especially if I still have a farking headache.
Finally have finished refinishing my coffee table. Looks pretty good. I ended up painting it a sort of chocolaty color. I'm just waiting for the final coat of schellac to dry before putting the foamy felt pads on the bottom and starting to use it.
It is really REALLY windy today. Lights have been flickering. Sure hope the power stays on. There is no way I will wake up on time for my class otherwise.
I used to LOVE the show Twin Peaks when I was a kid. I'm watching it right now and it is just plain weird. I'm honestly not sure why I loved it so much back then. Guess I was just a plain weird kid too. Of course, all my friends loved it too. May have been a group thing. Kids are highly suggestive.
I have to teach class all this week. The audience is unwilling and captive. Think it might be a tough one. Especially if I still have a farking headache.
Finally have finished refinishing my coffee table. Looks pretty good. I ended up painting it a sort of chocolaty color. I'm just waiting for the final coat of schellac to dry before putting the foamy felt pads on the bottom and starting to use it.
It is really REALLY windy today. Lights have been flickering. Sure hope the power stays on. There is no way I will wake up on time for my class otherwise.
I used to LOVE the show Twin Peaks when I was a kid. I'm watching it right now and it is just plain weird. I'm honestly not sure why I loved it so much back then. Guess I was just a plain weird kid too. Of course, all my friends loved it too. May have been a group thing. Kids are highly suggestive.
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Lab Notes : A, My Name is Alice: Moniker Madness
Lab Notes : A, My Name is Alice: Moniker Madness
Ok... E, my name is Emily, I drive an Escape. The rest is totally off but I still find it an interesting article.
Ok... E, my name is Emily, I drive an Escape. The rest is totally off but I still find it an interesting article.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Stupid Greening...
I'm a little tired of "Green". In a 5-minute web excursion, I learned how to have a Green Baby, a Green Thanksgiving, a Greener car, and a Greener shower. I think fads are great, I enjoy them myself. But this one bothers me some. These people are hawking products for a greener earth, and basically implying that by switching to "Green" that I will be making the world a better place. Is it really better to take my perfectly working low-flow shower head, throw it away, and go out and purchase one that was made with ecologically sound conditions? Isn't a life of low consumption more important that Green purchasing? Will me replacing my cotton sheets with bamboo stuff make the world breathe better? Will it really reduce my environmental footprint more than reducing the amount of products I purchase in non-recycled cartons? If I reuse plastic bags, isn't that better than buying 50 new biodegradable ones? Maybe I'm just a heathen, but I don't get what the media is selling. Consumption is not the way to save the world. We need to better use what we already have.
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Pitch Black...
I hate this time of year. 5:20 and pitch dark. I need to move somewhere southern. Daylight savings sucks.
Friday, November 02, 2007
What a great sport
I love that some athletes give back to thier fans. Such a small thing for him, such a big event for the kids. Neat story.
Varitek Hands Out Autographs on Halloween - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog
Varitek Hands Out Autographs on Halloween - FanHouse - AOL Sports Blog
Saturday, October 27, 2007
More than meets the eye...
Ok. I'm 33. And that 'ol biological clock of mine is ticking louder than Big Ben. But there are times when it is SO silenced. Obviously, any weekend trip to Megalow mart is one of those times. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the screaming kids there on a Sunday afternoon shrivel three or four hundred of my eggs each time I hear them.
Spending more than a few hours with my nephews is definitely one of those times as well. I love those little boys, would step in front of some fast moving thing for them, but DAMN they can wear me out. Sometimes, it is the little stuff. The fighting, snotty noses, awful manners and behaviour when out in public. Other times it is the stuff that tells me that I am just not prepared for parenthood. I was watching Transformers with the boys tonight and noticed the little one squirming and holding himself. I asked if he had to pee. He did not. He told me that his junk was sticking up so he had to keep pushing it down. Super. I just sort of ignored it until he started a rocking motion. At that point, I plopped him down on my dad's lap and pretended that I had to pee. How the hell are you supposed to handle that? I can barely resign myself to a world where I ever think about adult masturbation-how to deal with a 4-year-old doing it is well beyond my prudish mind.
I tend to think that there is a reason that little brother was introduced in to my life aside from my parent's obvious lack of family planning. In some ways, he really filled that hole that might exist for me regarding kids of my own. Guess almost 14 years in age gap can do that. He prepared me for a lot in terms of what to expect and knowing whether or not I really want to get in to this. Of course, I don't think I ever caught him wacking off to the Transformer's movie while sitting on my lap. Sometimes, life is just super.
Spending more than a few hours with my nephews is definitely one of those times as well. I love those little boys, would step in front of some fast moving thing for them, but DAMN they can wear me out. Sometimes, it is the little stuff. The fighting, snotty noses, awful manners and behaviour when out in public. Other times it is the stuff that tells me that I am just not prepared for parenthood. I was watching Transformers with the boys tonight and noticed the little one squirming and holding himself. I asked if he had to pee. He did not. He told me that his junk was sticking up so he had to keep pushing it down. Super. I just sort of ignored it until he started a rocking motion. At that point, I plopped him down on my dad's lap and pretended that I had to pee. How the hell are you supposed to handle that? I can barely resign myself to a world where I ever think about adult masturbation-how to deal with a 4-year-old doing it is well beyond my prudish mind.
I tend to think that there is a reason that little brother was introduced in to my life aside from my parent's obvious lack of family planning. In some ways, he really filled that hole that might exist for me regarding kids of my own. Guess almost 14 years in age gap can do that. He prepared me for a lot in terms of what to expect and knowing whether or not I really want to get in to this. Of course, I don't think I ever caught him wacking off to the Transformer's movie while sitting on my lap. Sometimes, life is just super.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Of course they are scissors...
Someone sent this to me today. I'm rolling...
Quote from the mom: "This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors. I wonder what his teacher thought. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of the room before I started crying, from laughing so hard."Well, of course they're scissors. If you know someone with small children or you are a teacher...you will love this! I can certainly imagine seeing this one proudly displayed on the mother's fridge at home...
Quote from the mom: "This is my kindergartener's artistic rendering of a pair of scissors. I wonder what his teacher thought. I allowed myself just a small smirk when I saw it. I waited until he was out of the room before I started crying, from laughing so hard."Well, of course they're scissors. If you know someone with small children or you are a teacher...you will love this! I can certainly imagine seeing this one proudly displayed on the mother's fridge at home...
Movie vs. Book...
I watched the movie: The Painted Veil recently. I just loved it and got a total crush on the main character, Walter, as played by Edward Norton. I don't normally find him attractive at all but something about this particular character appealed to me.
I decided that I needed to read the W. Somerset Maugham story the movie was based on. The book was ok, but I seem to really prefer the Hollywood adaptation. It added a sense of romance that was missing in the story. I did enjoy it enough to look in to Maugham a bit. He was quite an interesting character. I don't think I have read him before. I looked him up on Wikipedia-interesting guy. Somehow exposure to him was missed in my liberal arts education. Maybe it was the gay thing, who knows?
In my search for information of the novel, I came across these women who seem totally infatuated. It is sort of crazy. Kind of like I used to feel when thinking of New Kids on the Block or something. But these seem to be grown, adult women. Women who know where Edward Norton live, who are actually jealous of his real-life girlfriend and of the character Naomi Watts plays in the movie. Sort of scary. Makes me feel sorry for celebrities. What is wrong with people?
I will say though, that this is one of the very few times in my life that I have preferred the movie to the book. One of the very few times.
I decided that I needed to read the W. Somerset Maugham story the movie was based on. The book was ok, but I seem to really prefer the Hollywood adaptation. It added a sense of romance that was missing in the story. I did enjoy it enough to look in to Maugham a bit. He was quite an interesting character. I don't think I have read him before. I looked him up on Wikipedia-interesting guy. Somehow exposure to him was missed in my liberal arts education. Maybe it was the gay thing, who knows?
In my search for information of the novel, I came across these women who seem totally infatuated. It is sort of crazy. Kind of like I used to feel when thinking of New Kids on the Block or something. But these seem to be grown, adult women. Women who know where Edward Norton live, who are actually jealous of his real-life girlfriend and of the character Naomi Watts plays in the movie. Sort of scary. Makes me feel sorry for celebrities. What is wrong with people?
I will say though, that this is one of the very few times in my life that I have preferred the movie to the book. One of the very few times.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
I'm a big pissy-head...
Things that make me grumpy on 10-21-2007:
- That-thanks to the MLB playoffs and certain erectile pill commercials-I know the definition of the word prioprism. Certain things I just don't need to know. Thank you Cialis.
- When you go to a bookstore and the clerk is pretty much illiterate. I purchased a classic novel by a well-known author. Anyone who went to high school would know it. That's right-it WAS Dickens. The dumb ass clerk asked me if it was a new author because she had never heard of it before. No wonder Amazon.com does so well.
- Lots and lots of things about work. 'Nuff said.
- That it is a whole month more before I get extra days off.
- When people automatically assume that you won't be interested in something. Then they leave you out and you end up feeling sad. Ok, so I don't really like football and probably wouldn't be willing to spill $50 for tickets. But it would be nice to be invited. Just so I could have the privilege of saying no.
- That a really crappy sequel can ruin great memories of a wonderful first movie. 28 Weeks Later ruined my Sunday.
- I hate when my dog sheds. Much like above-mentioned items, nothing I can control. But today it has just pissed me off.
I guess, given my current vein of absolute crappiness, I should try to talk my way out of it. So, here goes. Things that make me smile today:
- The Red Sox are totally going to the World Series barring some major 9th inning meltdown.
- That David Ortiz, right this very moment, is wearing goggles. He just rocks.
- That my dog and my grandma love me even when other crappy, mean people don't invite me to their stupid football game.
- That a baseball player named Coco Crisp exists.
- That there was a Law and Order SVU marathon on this weekend. I really like that new guy. He also pretty much kicked ass on Joe Dirt. You really can't hate someone who was in Joe Dirt, can you?
- That Thanksgiving is a 4-day weekend. I can make it that long, can't I?
- That I totally caught an episode of Smurfs on tv today too.
- That it really doesn't look like I have done anything this weekend but watch tv and that it is mostly true. And completely ok with me.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Happy birthday to me...
My 33rd birthday is almost over. I started the day in bed, reading about the marriage of Claire and Henry in "The Time Traveller's Wife" and finally forced myself to sleep around 12:30. I woke up this morning feeling ok. Sort of like this was just another day...and it was.
I got up, showered, did all that normal daily stuff like tooth brushing and toast eating that come with any other day of the year. My dad called to wish me a happy day. My mom didn't. I don't think that it is that she doesn't care, it's more that she is thoughtless sometimes. I had lunch with baby brother-my birthday gift from him.
Came home, played with the dog, ran a couple of errands. At around 4 my other brother and his kids came by. He worked on cutting my crown molding for my office while the rest of my family started to congregate. We played with the kids while they totally shredded my living room.
Went to pizza for dinner, went home and ate the beautiful cake that my mom made. She really did put a lot of time and effort in to it for me. I had asked for this cake three years ago-almost as a joke. Three years passed and I honestly had forgotten about it. Now I get the cake. I appreciate the effort and it does make me happy.
My brother gave me a baby gate for my dog. No more dog prison for Sammi. Mom and dad gave a cordless drill (I knew that it was coming since dad was tired of lending me his) and a wireless headset for my cell phone. Grandma gave a desert rose platter. It's quite pretty.
Tomorrow is my last day of vacation before the weekend. I'm going to see Harry Potter. Oh yeah, my life is one big party.
I got up, showered, did all that normal daily stuff like tooth brushing and toast eating that come with any other day of the year. My dad called to wish me a happy day. My mom didn't. I don't think that it is that she doesn't care, it's more that she is thoughtless sometimes. I had lunch with baby brother-my birthday gift from him.
Came home, played with the dog, ran a couple of errands. At around 4 my other brother and his kids came by. He worked on cutting my crown molding for my office while the rest of my family started to congregate. We played with the kids while they totally shredded my living room.
Went to pizza for dinner, went home and ate the beautiful cake that my mom made. She really did put a lot of time and effort in to it for me. I had asked for this cake three years ago-almost as a joke. Three years passed and I honestly had forgotten about it. Now I get the cake. I appreciate the effort and it does make me happy.
My brother gave me a baby gate for my dog. No more dog prison for Sammi. Mom and dad gave a cordless drill (I knew that it was coming since dad was tired of lending me his) and a wireless headset for my cell phone. Grandma gave a desert rose platter. It's quite pretty.
Tomorrow is my last day of vacation before the weekend. I'm going to see Harry Potter. Oh yeah, my life is one big party.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Mock-cation Wednesday...
So, it's day three of vacation week. Yesterday, I did a whole lot of nothing. I did make a roast and coated my thrift store coffee table with stripper which I just recoated because it didn't really do the trick the first time. I read quite a bit of "The Time Traveller's Wife" (excellent so far, btw). Beat my dog for a while for strewing garbage throughout the house. You know, just not a lot of everything.
Today I got up and drove 100 miles to visit my best friend for the day. We played with her kids, took her oldest to ballet camp, ate lunch, went to Target. Just stuff, spending the day together. Her 9-year-old daughter is beautiful and totally looks like a ballerina already. I never looked like that!
After I left her house, I went to the mall to go to Lane Bryant. I really needed some new jeans. They have discontinued my favorite jeans and now sell them in sizes like Red 6 and Blue 4. WTF? I was hot and sweaty and just wanted to pick up a pair of my favorite bootcut jeans that I have been buying since college. But oh, no. The sales wench tried to MEASURE me. I finally told her what my old size was and asked her to tell me where to start. I did not want to be measured. I didn't especially even want to try anything on. Don't mess with a chunky girl the day before she enters mid-life chica. While I was there, I did pick up a fairly kick-ass Where's Waldo tank top though. I'm awesome.
My brother called me today and said that he is coming tomorrow to hang my crown molding. I'm sort of taking that as a maybe until I actually see it done. I have had that crown molding waiting to be hung for six months. Guess we'll just wait and see here. At least he is bringing my nephews. I do really love those little boys.
Baby brother called and invited me to lunch for my b-day tomorrow. That's nice.
I am having a bit of a birthday crisis this year. 33 is awful close to 35 and let's be real...35 is kind of old. I'm totally going to die alone. My dog will get hungry and eat me. The school children walking by my home will see her looking out the front window with a foot in her mouth and that will be the first clue to the world that someone is dead. Hope I die on a day that the polish on my toes is looking good. Then the pound will have to destroy her because she will be a man-eater. I'm pretty sure that is a bad thing, it is on every movie where there are tigers so I'm sure it's a bad thing for dogs too.
Maybe I'll just jump Mr. P the next time I see him. I might be able to avoid mid-life aloneness that way. I'll either seduce him in to happy ever after or spend 5-10 for assault. Either way, I will be around people who will notice that I have choked on a baby carrot and died. It could work.
Today I got up and drove 100 miles to visit my best friend for the day. We played with her kids, took her oldest to ballet camp, ate lunch, went to Target. Just stuff, spending the day together. Her 9-year-old daughter is beautiful and totally looks like a ballerina already. I never looked like that!
After I left her house, I went to the mall to go to Lane Bryant. I really needed some new jeans. They have discontinued my favorite jeans and now sell them in sizes like Red 6 and Blue 4. WTF? I was hot and sweaty and just wanted to pick up a pair of my favorite bootcut jeans that I have been buying since college. But oh, no. The sales wench tried to MEASURE me. I finally told her what my old size was and asked her to tell me where to start. I did not want to be measured. I didn't especially even want to try anything on. Don't mess with a chunky girl the day before she enters mid-life chica. While I was there, I did pick up a fairly kick-ass Where's Waldo tank top though. I'm awesome.
My brother called me today and said that he is coming tomorrow to hang my crown molding. I'm sort of taking that as a maybe until I actually see it done. I have had that crown molding waiting to be hung for six months. Guess we'll just wait and see here. At least he is bringing my nephews. I do really love those little boys.
Baby brother called and invited me to lunch for my b-day tomorrow. That's nice.
I am having a bit of a birthday crisis this year. 33 is awful close to 35 and let's be real...35 is kind of old. I'm totally going to die alone. My dog will get hungry and eat me. The school children walking by my home will see her looking out the front window with a foot in her mouth and that will be the first clue to the world that someone is dead. Hope I die on a day that the polish on my toes is looking good. Then the pound will have to destroy her because she will be a man-eater. I'm pretty sure that is a bad thing, it is on every movie where there are tigers so I'm sure it's a bad thing for dogs too.
Maybe I'll just jump Mr. P the next time I see him. I might be able to avoid mid-life aloneness that way. I'll either seduce him in to happy ever after or spend 5-10 for assault. Either way, I will be around people who will notice that I have choked on a baby carrot and died. It could work.
Monday, July 09, 2007
Noncation Week...
Today is day one of my non-cation. This year, now that I'm a home owner, I have no funds to take a real vacation. So I'm taking a non-cation instead. Some of the great things about vacation are spending time with friends and family, sleeping late, eating crap I shouldn't, relaxing, shopping. I think I can probably do all of that at or close to home for almost free.
Over the weekend, an old friend from high school was in town and spend a couple of nights. We stayed up all night talking and catching up, woke up at the crack of dawn when the damn dog tipped something over on herself and started yelping. We had breakfast and my old friend was on her way home. It was just the right amount of time for a house guest and a nice way to start out my non-cation week. So, days one and two...Spending time with friends....CHECK.
Today, I thought about taking a road trip with my mom. But then I changed my mind since the place I had in mind was about three hours away and doesn't have that much to do once you get there. Instead, I had McDonald's for lunch, went thrift store shopping and looked for a new toilet tank since mine in cracked. Now, with the exception of cursing at the cheap-o Ikea AA batteries that I just had to replace in my cordless mouse again, I'm pretty chill. So on the score card, day two...Spending time with family...CHECK, Shopping...CHECK, Eating crap that is bad for me...The McDonald's nutritional info on my McNuggets say BIG CHECK! I can't give myself full point for relaxation quite yet, but that will come. It's only Monday afternoon.
I think tonight may be a Blockbuster night for Sam and I. We'll couch chill, eat greasy popcorn and forget all about dinner. Tomorrow, I think I'll drive the hour and a half to visit my best friend, go to the mall and buy a new pair of jeans. My vacation needs list is just about filled. Wonder how I'll feel by Thursday?
Some other things that I might want to accomplish this week include refinishing and painting a couple of coffee tables that I picked up at thrift stores and waxing my car. I would also like to organize and furnish my office. Guess I'll see if I really feel up to any of that. Maybe I'll just end up spending an entire day playing Babble and games on Pogo. Guess there are worse ways to spend a week, huh?
Over the weekend, an old friend from high school was in town and spend a couple of nights. We stayed up all night talking and catching up, woke up at the crack of dawn when the damn dog tipped something over on herself and started yelping. We had breakfast and my old friend was on her way home. It was just the right amount of time for a house guest and a nice way to start out my non-cation week. So, days one and two...Spending time with friends....CHECK.
Today, I thought about taking a road trip with my mom. But then I changed my mind since the place I had in mind was about three hours away and doesn't have that much to do once you get there. Instead, I had McDonald's for lunch, went thrift store shopping and looked for a new toilet tank since mine in cracked. Now, with the exception of cursing at the cheap-o Ikea AA batteries that I just had to replace in my cordless mouse again, I'm pretty chill. So on the score card, day two...Spending time with family...CHECK, Shopping...CHECK, Eating crap that is bad for me...The McDonald's nutritional info on my McNuggets say BIG CHECK! I can't give myself full point for relaxation quite yet, but that will come. It's only Monday afternoon.
I think tonight may be a Blockbuster night for Sam and I. We'll couch chill, eat greasy popcorn and forget all about dinner. Tomorrow, I think I'll drive the hour and a half to visit my best friend, go to the mall and buy a new pair of jeans. My vacation needs list is just about filled. Wonder how I'll feel by Thursday?
Some other things that I might want to accomplish this week include refinishing and painting a couple of coffee tables that I picked up at thrift stores and waxing my car. I would also like to organize and furnish my office. Guess I'll see if I really feel up to any of that. Maybe I'll just end up spending an entire day playing Babble and games on Pogo. Guess there are worse ways to spend a week, huh?
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Politics and gender...
I've been thinking politics a bit lately. Guess it is the buzz surrounding the potential candidates for the next presidential race. I was in a conversation with my grandmother, one of the most progressive 96-year-olds you could ever meet. She truly thinks that as a woman, you should vote for Hilary Clinton, simply because she is female. Qualifications aside, women should support women. Period.
I don't know how I feel about that for sure. Clinton's qualifications are more unique than any potential candidate in history. No other can say that they have observed the white house with the perspective that she has. I think I would personally be willing to vote for her on her merits alone. And the fact that she has beliefs that are very centered in the Democrat ideology.
I don't know if I could support her simply because of her sex. That seems to be as limiting as voting against her because she is female. Shouldn't the right candidate be the right candidate not due to their skin color (that's you, Obama), or their sex (Clinton) or even their political party (everyone else)?
I suppose it's food for thought for me. I am lucky that women like my grandmother existed 50 and 75 years ago. They paved a path for me in supporting each other. They made the world a place where I can choose and be who I am, not because of my sex but because of my ideas. Am I progressing with or aganst all they stood for if I make a choice based on merit, not "who" the candidate is?
I don't know how I feel about that for sure. Clinton's qualifications are more unique than any potential candidate in history. No other can say that they have observed the white house with the perspective that she has. I think I would personally be willing to vote for her on her merits alone. And the fact that she has beliefs that are very centered in the Democrat ideology.
I don't know if I could support her simply because of her sex. That seems to be as limiting as voting against her because she is female. Shouldn't the right candidate be the right candidate not due to their skin color (that's you, Obama), or their sex (Clinton) or even their political party (everyone else)?
I suppose it's food for thought for me. I am lucky that women like my grandmother existed 50 and 75 years ago. They paved a path for me in supporting each other. They made the world a place where I can choose and be who I am, not because of my sex but because of my ideas. Am I progressing with or aganst all they stood for if I make a choice based on merit, not "who" the candidate is?
Sunday, March 11, 2007
Ramblings of a life incomplete...
I have been sick. Sick sick. It has not been good. This was way worse than the run of the mill cold and sniffles. I was on multiple prescriptions and yet two weeks in to the process, I still don't feel great a lot of the time. It has to go away soon, I worry otherwise.
In the mean time, work has been busy. Special project has been taking up most of my time.
I came to a realization today, he looks hot, even when he is smoking. I think smoking is about as gross as it gets, yet I still can think he looks good while doing it. Stupid me, I can dismiss something I feel so strongly about because a couple of hormones get in the way. Guess there is some girlishness in here after all.
I hate the time chaging. Why can't it just stay the same all year? Tomorrow, it will be darkish when I wake up which will make it harder to get up and go. Yech.
I need to teach class all this week. That is usually exhausting yet makes my mood uplift and motivates me a bit too. And I'm good at it, I can admit it. Here's to a good one.
In the mean time, work has been busy. Special project has been taking up most of my time.
I came to a realization today, he looks hot, even when he is smoking. I think smoking is about as gross as it gets, yet I still can think he looks good while doing it. Stupid me, I can dismiss something I feel so strongly about because a couple of hormones get in the way. Guess there is some girlishness in here after all.
I hate the time chaging. Why can't it just stay the same all year? Tomorrow, it will be darkish when I wake up which will make it harder to get up and go. Yech.
I need to teach class all this week. That is usually exhausting yet makes my mood uplift and motivates me a bit too. And I'm good at it, I can admit it. Here's to a good one.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Dork...
I'm sporting a mad Valentine's Day crush. He's cute, age appropriate, professional. Super nice. I don't know if he is married or not. He moved back to the area to care for an ailing family member. Wonder if it's the holiday that's got me thinking about him? I don't normally sport a jr. high style crush. Oh well, they can be fun, right? I'm so stupid...
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Tears of the day...
I've been a little moody lately. And by a "little" I mean I am an absolute rollercoaster of ups and downs and by "moody" I mean and huge, giant asshole. Things make me tear up, laugh hard and feel incredibly pissy. Mostly things dealing with work.
Last week was a bad week. My car caught on fire, it broke down, the garbage man tore down the phone lines from my house and I had no telephone or internet for three days. Maybe all of that is why I have had a recent tear of the day.
Sunday-I cried while watching Hogan Knows Best on VH1. It was so stupid. My dad and brothers always watched wrestling, went to the arena shows, saw the matches, watched on tv. I always hated it because it was so violent, so unnecessary and so staged. So I was watching Hulk Hogan fight or wrestle and his kid was watching him on tv from home. He got cut and got hurt-and she started to cry. It somehow made it more real, more realistic than anything else I have seen.
Monday-I was reading a trashy romance novel. The sub-couple (the ones who are the friends or relatives of the main characters) finally admitted their love as normally happens and I just lost it. Something about the dialogue just hit me. They put to words how lonely I feel and how jealous I am of this stupid, not really well written fictional couple. And how I wish I could find with someone what that pretend couple has.
Stupid, I know. But I am feeling pretty lonely lately. And lonely in a different way. There are people around me a lot of the time, but I want to find that one person and he is hiding from me. I want to feel loved and feel like there is someone who really understands me and wants to be with me, even when I am an emotional basket case who is both sad and frustrated and bitchy all at once for a week each month.
Nothing has made me cry yet today. I still have four hours to go until Tuesday is over though. Guess there is still time.
Last week was a bad week. My car caught on fire, it broke down, the garbage man tore down the phone lines from my house and I had no telephone or internet for three days. Maybe all of that is why I have had a recent tear of the day.
Sunday-I cried while watching Hogan Knows Best on VH1. It was so stupid. My dad and brothers always watched wrestling, went to the arena shows, saw the matches, watched on tv. I always hated it because it was so violent, so unnecessary and so staged. So I was watching Hulk Hogan fight or wrestle and his kid was watching him on tv from home. He got cut and got hurt-and she started to cry. It somehow made it more real, more realistic than anything else I have seen.
Monday-I was reading a trashy romance novel. The sub-couple (the ones who are the friends or relatives of the main characters) finally admitted their love as normally happens and I just lost it. Something about the dialogue just hit me. They put to words how lonely I feel and how jealous I am of this stupid, not really well written fictional couple. And how I wish I could find with someone what that pretend couple has.
Stupid, I know. But I am feeling pretty lonely lately. And lonely in a different way. There are people around me a lot of the time, but I want to find that one person and he is hiding from me. I want to feel loved and feel like there is someone who really understands me and wants to be with me, even when I am an emotional basket case who is both sad and frustrated and bitchy all at once for a week each month.
Nothing has made me cry yet today. I still have four hours to go until Tuesday is over though. Guess there is still time.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Cinematic fool...
I'm in a movie phase right now. I think I've rented five or six movies in the last week. I watched Lady in the Water today. I didn't think it was as bad as I expected. It was ok, kind of a sweet bedtime story for adults. A little kid would have been bored stiff and I was puttering around the house doing other stuff while watching it. The reviews for it were awful. I tend to think that most of the people watching it were expecting the same caliber of great movie that M. Night whatshisname usually makes and this was a different movie entirely. Not bad, not good-it was ok...
I also watched the Descent this weekend. That movie kind of freaked me out, but not because of the man-eating batmen in the cave. It was the scenes where the women were squeezing thought tiny, tight passages that made me uncomfortable. I felt kind of claustrophobic though the entire thing.
So, to get the freaked out taste from my mouth, I followed that up with Clerks II. What a piece of crap. Maybe it's my mindset-when I saw the original I was 19 or so. Now at 32 I just can't appreciate the humor as much, I suppose. I did see the original a while back and thought it was pretty damn funny though so who knows. I know that the only time when I really laughed was during the donkey show-easily the most disgusting part of the movie. Maybe there is a little of my 19-year-old humor left. My little bro who is coincidentally almost 19, LOVED it. To each their own, I suppose.
Speaking of which, I need to get him a b-day gift asap. Since there is no mall in town, everything must be ordered and I would hate for it not to be here on time. Think I can get an American Eagle order here by the 27th?
I also watched the Descent this weekend. That movie kind of freaked me out, but not because of the man-eating batmen in the cave. It was the scenes where the women were squeezing thought tiny, tight passages that made me uncomfortable. I felt kind of claustrophobic though the entire thing.
So, to get the freaked out taste from my mouth, I followed that up with Clerks II. What a piece of crap. Maybe it's my mindset-when I saw the original I was 19 or so. Now at 32 I just can't appreciate the humor as much, I suppose. I did see the original a while back and thought it was pretty damn funny though so who knows. I know that the only time when I really laughed was during the donkey show-easily the most disgusting part of the movie. Maybe there is a little of my 19-year-old humor left. My little bro who is coincidentally almost 19, LOVED it. To each their own, I suppose.
Speaking of which, I need to get him a b-day gift asap. Since there is no mall in town, everything must be ordered and I would hate for it not to be here on time. Think I can get an American Eagle order here by the 27th?
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Reading...
I went to the library for the first time in YEARS over my Christmas break from work. I don't know that I had been there since I was a kid. Some things have been updated-no more microfiche. Some things have not-the SAME nasty old ladies still work there. They used to scare the holy hell out of me when I was a kid and frankly, they still do a little bit. I should have been a librarian.
I checked out Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. Great book. I thought the movie was enjoyable, nothing horrible but also nothing wonderful. I had heard that the book was better. I know that if I had read this book first, I would have HATED the movie.
Thinking about it made me ponder-if you love the book is it impossible for the movie to be any good? Someone asked recently what my favorite movie adaptation of a book was and I couldn't answer. Yeah, there are a few great ones but they were mostly made back in the Golden Age. To Kill A Mockingbird really can't be beat. But overall, the movies come up lacking. I wonder, would I have actually enjoyed The DaVinci Code if I hadn't read the book first? Probably not, but I guess you never know.
There was a quote in the last passage of the book that I thinkwas in the movie too. Here goes...
Now I am reading a novel by Elie Wiesel called The Gates of the Forest. I think his writing is splendid. I really enjoyed "Night" (thank you Oprah for the exposure) but it is a bit of a downer as well.
I don't know why, but I really am interested in reading about the holocaust. I secretly believe that my family on my mom's side was Jewish. I think they decided to change that about themselves when they immigrated from the Czechoslovakia/Polish boarder at the turn of the century. There is a picture that my grandmother had of her oldest brother. He sure looked a lot like that Adrian Brody guy who played the Pianist. Jewish features, nose. He died of the flu during WWI. Some of the things my grandmother said about the family's traditions make me think that it is a definite possibility. How sad it must have been to decide to deny your background out of fear or want for ease of persecution. Must be like what some gays feel like today.
Wonder where that picture is today? Hopefully one of my aunts has it somewhere safe so that someone can remember that young man who died too young too long ago.
I hate that I have a fascination with some things... The holocaust, Mary Kay Letourneau, E!. It makes me feel a little shallow and a little morbid all at the same time.
I checked out Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman. Great book. I thought the movie was enjoyable, nothing horrible but also nothing wonderful. I had heard that the book was better. I know that if I had read this book first, I would have HATED the movie.
Thinking about it made me ponder-if you love the book is it impossible for the movie to be any good? Someone asked recently what my favorite movie adaptation of a book was and I couldn't answer. Yeah, there are a few great ones but they were mostly made back in the Golden Age. To Kill A Mockingbird really can't be beat. But overall, the movies come up lacking. I wonder, would I have actually enjoyed The DaVinci Code if I hadn't read the book first? Probably not, but I guess you never know.
There was a quote in the last passage of the book that I thinkwas in the movie too. Here goes...
There are some things, after all, that Sally Owens knows for certain: Always throw spilled salt over your left shoulder. Keep rosemary by your garden gate. Add pepper to your mashed potatoes. Plant roses and lavender, for luck. Fall in love whenever you can.That just made me smile.
Now I am reading a novel by Elie Wiesel called The Gates of the Forest. I think his writing is splendid. I really enjoyed "Night" (thank you Oprah for the exposure) but it is a bit of a downer as well.
I don't know why, but I really am interested in reading about the holocaust. I secretly believe that my family on my mom's side was Jewish. I think they decided to change that about themselves when they immigrated from the Czechoslovakia/Polish boarder at the turn of the century. There is a picture that my grandmother had of her oldest brother. He sure looked a lot like that Adrian Brody guy who played the Pianist. Jewish features, nose. He died of the flu during WWI. Some of the things my grandmother said about the family's traditions make me think that it is a definite possibility. How sad it must have been to decide to deny your background out of fear or want for ease of persecution. Must be like what some gays feel like today.
Wonder where that picture is today? Hopefully one of my aunts has it somewhere safe so that someone can remember that young man who died too young too long ago.
I hate that I have a fascination with some things... The holocaust, Mary Kay Letourneau, E!. It makes me feel a little shallow and a little morbid all at the same time.
Sick sick world...
My boss said something so horrifying to me today. She recently got a kitten from somewhere. It had been abandoned and when she saw it she fell in love.
Apparently, said kitten is annoying. It has a meow that is loud and piercing and fairly continuous in the morning. The meowing disturbs her while she puts on her makeup in preparation for work. So she is taking the cat to the vet to see if they will sever the animal's vocal cords. I know the vet, he is a pretty old, crusty man. I have to hope that he will tell her to get the hell out of the office. But if it can be done, I'm sure that there is somewhere in town that will be willing to do it for her.
When she said this, I actually put my hand over my mouth in horror-hoping she was making a sick joke. I am completely disgusted. This is a thousand times worse than people who dock tails or clip ears, or even people who declaw. This is just inhumane. I'm disgusted.
Apparently, said kitten is annoying. It has a meow that is loud and piercing and fairly continuous in the morning. The meowing disturbs her while she puts on her makeup in preparation for work. So she is taking the cat to the vet to see if they will sever the animal's vocal cords. I know the vet, he is a pretty old, crusty man. I have to hope that he will tell her to get the hell out of the office. But if it can be done, I'm sure that there is somewhere in town that will be willing to do it for her.
When she said this, I actually put my hand over my mouth in horror-hoping she was making a sick joke. I am completely disgusted. This is a thousand times worse than people who dock tails or clip ears, or even people who declaw. This is just inhumane. I'm disgusted.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Things to remember from this Christmas...
I want to remember these moments forever. They won't be important to anyone but me. But they meant a lot.
- B's belly laugh when he opened the bacon wallet I bought for him.
- GMA's squak when she got squirted with someone's stocking stuffer squirt gun.
- GMA's peeking aroud the corner while squirting someone else.
- Listening to her complain about being squired.
- Then hearing her insist that everyone tell my absent brother about the water fight we had on Christmas morning.
- The green on Dad's head from getting his elf hat wet.
- Mom sitting back comfortably and saying that it "was a good day" with a smile on her face.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Lonely Holiday Thoughts...
I love Christmas. The lights, the food, the gifts. I have a wonderful family. I spent the day with them today and will be back at the parent's homestead by 10 tomorrow. But at night, when I'm back home alone, I start feeling lonely. I was driving home tonight, feeling sorry for myself. I'm normally pretty comfortable with my singlehood. NO, I'm not coupled, no kids, no significant other. But normally that is pretty much ok. Yes, I would love to be in a relationship and I really REALLY want kids some day soon. But I don't feel it as much as I do on holiday nights.
I was listening to The Night Before Christmas on the radio on the way home tonight and started thinking...There is no mama in her kerchief, no me in my cap. The only one settling down for the long winter's nap is me. Never has my home felt as lonely as it does tonight. Somehow, Direct TV just isn't doing it tonight. Someone out there who needs a hug like I do?
I was listening to The Night Before Christmas on the radio on the way home tonight and started thinking...There is no mama in her kerchief, no me in my cap. The only one settling down for the long winter's nap is me. Never has my home felt as lonely as it does tonight. Somehow, Direct TV just isn't doing it tonight. Someone out there who needs a hug like I do?
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Family
My brother-I don't want to say that I hate my brother. But I truly dislike him. Since he was a teenager, his behavior has been mean, abusive and horrid. I cannot handle being around him-I am just done. I'm not mad or angry or holding resentment for anything. I am just DONE.
He came to town this weekend with his family. I love those little boys of his. But I would rather not be around him. I chose the visits to my parent's houses where they were staying carefully. I appeared right after they left the boys whenever possible.
Yet I know it hurts my parents and grandmother that we can't get along. I prefer not to fight anymore. I would just rather not speak to him. He is an ass. I don't know how else to handle it.
This summer, when he managed to ruin the family's week at the beach due to his behavior and tantrums I realized that if he was not family, if he was a friend, I would break off the friendship. You can't do that with family. I do love him, I suppose, but I can't deal with him any longer. I wish I knew a better way to deal with things, a more mature way. But I can't think of it. I can't handle being around someone who hurts me and those I love the most without saying something. I wish I wish I wish. I wish he was different, I wish I could just sit back and ignore. Hell, I wish I had a million dollars. None of these things are going to come true in the immediate future. I just need to find another way to deal.
He came to town this weekend with his family. I love those little boys of his. But I would rather not be around him. I chose the visits to my parent's houses where they were staying carefully. I appeared right after they left the boys whenever possible.
Yet I know it hurts my parents and grandmother that we can't get along. I prefer not to fight anymore. I would just rather not speak to him. He is an ass. I don't know how else to handle it.
This summer, when he managed to ruin the family's week at the beach due to his behavior and tantrums I realized that if he was not family, if he was a friend, I would break off the friendship. You can't do that with family. I do love him, I suppose, but I can't deal with him any longer. I wish I knew a better way to deal with things, a more mature way. But I can't think of it. I can't handle being around someone who hurts me and those I love the most without saying something. I wish I wish I wish. I wish he was different, I wish I could just sit back and ignore. Hell, I wish I had a million dollars. None of these things are going to come true in the immediate future. I just need to find another way to deal.
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Bills bills bills...
I had a flash of realization tonight. I paid my bills-everything except the water bill that hasn't arrived yet-and I still have money left over. Not a lot, but there is money remaining. At Christmastime. I'm going to be able to handle this house. I'm going to be ok. It feels so damn good. I have been so scared and nervous but I'm going to be ok. Yay me!
Monday, November 27, 2006
This is my favorite list ever...
TV Land Lists 100 Greatest Catchphrases
I think I have to go with "Doh!" as a personal favorite. Everyone knows that Homer rocks!
I think I have to go with "Doh!" as a personal favorite. Everyone knows that Homer rocks!
Homeownership, fear and cookies...
It is such a weird thing-this being a home owner. I worry about things now that I never thought of before. What's that noise? Is this a leak? If I walk on the grass, will it come back in the spring? And worry about things that I don't normally worry about-money, bills, how much electricity I'm using. It's been cold-how high will that power bill be?
I really don't feel the pride of ownership that I expected. Where is that? Aren't I supposed to be bursting my proverbial buttons or something? Instead of pride, I mostly feel fear. I hate fear.
I guess I should focus on some things that I love instead... Things that make me happy or at least kill a little time now and then. I love the cheesy scene in "10 Things I Hate About You" where Heath Ledger sings. I love cookies. Mmmmm...cookies. I love looking at Craig's List personals to see if I know anyone. (I do hate it when I stumble on penis pics, but that is a whole other story).
Now I need to try to balance my demon-possessed checkbook. Maybe after that, I can try to unpack some more of my house. (Something I think I fear at least a little and certainly hate very very much.) Wish me luck world.
I really don't feel the pride of ownership that I expected. Where is that? Aren't I supposed to be bursting my proverbial buttons or something? Instead of pride, I mostly feel fear. I hate fear.
I guess I should focus on some things that I love instead... Things that make me happy or at least kill a little time now and then. I love the cheesy scene in "10 Things I Hate About You" where Heath Ledger sings. I love cookies. Mmmmm...cookies. I love looking at Craig's List personals to see if I know anyone. (I do hate it when I stumble on penis pics, but that is a whole other story).
Now I need to try to balance my demon-possessed checkbook. Maybe after that, I can try to unpack some more of my house. (Something I think I fear at least a little and certainly hate very very much.) Wish me luck world.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Home...
I spent my first night in MY house last night. It was a surprisingly poor night of sleep. Every creak, every pop or slight noise woke me up. I know I'll get accustomed to the house and it's tweaks, but I am pretty damn exhausted now. Guess I ought to try to sleep now. Maybe tonight will be better.
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Done with the floors, moving on...
Finally finally finally the floors are done. I almost cried the other day when we walked in and found a big polyurethane gloop in the middle of the living room. My dad came and sanded it down and we were able to fix it, but oh did I feel sick at first. These floors have been hard work but they look beautiful!
Tomorrow, I paint. I got enough paint to do the bedrooms and the living room and all of the trim in the house. I just spent $160 at Home Depot. Somehow, I suspect that I will be spending more time at the Home Depot that I will at work or with my loved ones. Maybe I can pick up a hunky contractor who loves to paint. Stranger things have happened, right?
Tomorrow, I paint. I got enough paint to do the bedrooms and the living room and all of the trim in the house. I just spent $160 at Home Depot. Somehow, I suspect that I will be spending more time at the Home Depot that I will at work or with my loved ones. Maybe I can pick up a hunky contractor who loves to paint. Stranger things have happened, right?
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Boys and big machines...
Today I finally figured out why guys like using big machines. It is because they are so very much easier to use than little ones. It has nothing to do with penis size or anything like that-it is pure laziness. Think about it-Bulldozer: Big machine, Shovel: Little one. Which one is easier physically to use? Bulldozer. Floor sander: Big machine, Palm sander: Little. I can very safely say, after three days of crawling around on my hands and knees on hardwood floors, that anyone who would rather use the little machine than the big one is totally on crack.
My floors are looking beautiful. The first coat of varnish is on. My knees, hands, legs are black and blue.
My floors are looking beautiful. The first coat of varnish is on. My knees, hands, legs are black and blue.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Sanding and sanding and sanding...
I sanded floors for 12 hours today. 12 hours. Everything in my body hurts. Even my fingers. But those floors are going to look beautiful when we get done tomorrow some time. There is still more sanding to do tomorrow. I am fairly sure that I will be shedding dust for the next 10 years. And I think my breath is coming out in sawdust puffs-sort of like a dragon.
Tomorrow, we sand more, wipe down with tack cloth and start the first coat of varnish. Then it is time to start picking paints.
Owning a house is exhausting.
Tomorrow, we sand more, wipe down with tack cloth and start the first coat of varnish. Then it is time to start picking paints.
Owning a house is exhausting.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
It's official, packing sucks...
I woke up today feeling crappy. I vegged most of the day away watching HGTV and finding ideas for my new house. I apparently want to pack my house so little that I am willing to make myself ill to avoid it. Scratchy throat, sore ear, cough. Yep, I am a total headcase.
Now that it is 8 pm I am finally feeling a bit better and have found some motivation. I packed for 30 minutes straight and was surprised by how much I got accomplished. The laundry room is ready to go. Now on to the kitchen.
Part of the difficulty is that I still need to keep enough stuff out to live so I can't pack an entire room at a time. Mostly I have been focusing on the crap catching areas so far. Maybe that is part of the problem. Much of the stuff I am putting in boxes should be going to Goodwill or the used book store or the trash. Maybe I'll just leave it in boxes when I get to the new house and see what I really need in all of it. If it sits for six months without being missed, it won't ever be will it? I need to continue focusing on a more simplistic, material-free lifestyle. Too bad I like clothes and shoes and books so much.
I did do some searching for paint colors yesterday. I think I'll keep the living room neutral-tanish brown with cream trim and a lighter tan ceiling. The extra bedroom is going to be a pale gender-neutral yellow. I don't want it to be too girly. I am thinking blue for my bedroom but can't find a shade that has appealed to me so far. I like the idea of a light blue but everything looks too much like a baby bootie. I want something peppy and cheerful for my office-maybe red? Or, I could do it in pink. I have always wanted a pink room but have been afraid to do it. It's small. I could make it pink. How cool is it that I can finally do whatever the hell I want and no one else can say anything about it. I may just start an affair with Mr. Sherwin Williams and see where it takes me.
Now that it is 8 pm I am finally feeling a bit better and have found some motivation. I packed for 30 minutes straight and was surprised by how much I got accomplished. The laundry room is ready to go. Now on to the kitchen.
Part of the difficulty is that I still need to keep enough stuff out to live so I can't pack an entire room at a time. Mostly I have been focusing on the crap catching areas so far. Maybe that is part of the problem. Much of the stuff I am putting in boxes should be going to Goodwill or the used book store or the trash. Maybe I'll just leave it in boxes when I get to the new house and see what I really need in all of it. If it sits for six months without being missed, it won't ever be will it? I need to continue focusing on a more simplistic, material-free lifestyle. Too bad I like clothes and shoes and books so much.
I did do some searching for paint colors yesterday. I think I'll keep the living room neutral-tanish brown with cream trim and a lighter tan ceiling. The extra bedroom is going to be a pale gender-neutral yellow. I don't want it to be too girly. I am thinking blue for my bedroom but can't find a shade that has appealed to me so far. I like the idea of a light blue but everything looks too much like a baby bootie. I want something peppy and cheerful for my office-maybe red? Or, I could do it in pink. I have always wanted a pink room but have been afraid to do it. It's small. I could make it pink. How cool is it that I can finally do whatever the hell I want and no one else can say anything about it. I may just start an affair with Mr. Sherwin Williams and see where it takes me.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
I'm in (kinda)...
Today's big realization is that cleaning a house you almost own is really no more fun than cleaning a house you are renting. In fact, it is quite a bit more disgusting. The previous owners let the funk grow in the bottom of the fridge. I think I puked in my mouth a couple of times while cleaning it. I scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed. I got the ice maker working buy rigging it with a piece of bread tie-I think I may need a part there. I cleaned the funky-dirty stove and self-cleaned the oven. Cleaned the windows, wiped out cupboards, scrubbed bathroom which was in in a surprisingly pristine state.
The best part is that I have the most amazing family ever. I stopped by the parent's house to borrow their shop vac and then ran a couple of errands around town. By the time I got to the new house, my dad pulled up with the lawn mower, trimmers and chain saw and worked on the yard for four hours. It looks MUCH better than it did yesterday and he even got all but one of the sprinkler heads working. My mom came by a bit after that and helped clean. My grandma even joined in and-while she was really in the way more than helping-cleaned her little heart out all afternoon.
I do feel loved today.
Now I am writing this instead of actually doing any of the cleaning or packing that needs to happen in this house. I need to get moving but I just don't want to. Maybe I'll take a nap and will feel better after that.
The best part is that I have the most amazing family ever. I stopped by the parent's house to borrow their shop vac and then ran a couple of errands around town. By the time I got to the new house, my dad pulled up with the lawn mower, trimmers and chain saw and worked on the yard for four hours. It looks MUCH better than it did yesterday and he even got all but one of the sprinkler heads working. My mom came by a bit after that and helped clean. My grandma even joined in and-while she was really in the way more than helping-cleaned her little heart out all afternoon.
I do feel loved today.
Now I am writing this instead of actually doing any of the cleaning or packing that needs to happen in this house. I need to get moving but I just don't want to. Maybe I'll take a nap and will feel better after that.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Finally, It's happened to me...
IT has been weeks-WEEKS since I thought that the house buying process was almost done. I was so wrong. FInally, today, 29 days after signing my buy/sell agreement, I have signed the papers. Now they need to be filed with the county and the mortgage funds need to get to the seller and I will be the proud owner of a large mortgage. Actual ownership of the house comes 5 years down the line when some equity builds.
I was able to get in it though and measure and look around. Tomorrow, I'll clean.
As I was leaving tonight at almost dusk, I did drive by a yard full of cholos. I have never been there after dark. On a Friday. This could be a mistake. Those boys are up to no good too much of the time. And they are the 20-something variety, not the 15-somethings. The kids I can deal with, the adults are kind of scary for me.
Guess I need to start packing now. Yuck.
I was able to get in it though and measure and look around. Tomorrow, I'll clean.
As I was leaving tonight at almost dusk, I did drive by a yard full of cholos. I have never been there after dark. On a Friday. This could be a mistake. Those boys are up to no good too much of the time. And they are the 20-something variety, not the 15-somethings. The kids I can deal with, the adults are kind of scary for me.
Guess I need to start packing now. Yuck.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Goodbye PMI...
So Wells Fargo didn't like something about my loan. My broker called some other places while waiting for their final decision (which they are still working on). This other place will give the same rate AND not charge PMI. That is a little more than $50 per month less in payments. I am very happy about this. I actually felt 10 of the extra 100 lbs lift from my shoulders just now.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Googling can make things worse...
I am totally stressing out today. Stress makes me a pretty horrendous raving bitch. I'm tense. My neck hurts. I may be having a heart attack. Nerves suck. I decided to make myself better by looking in to what my next steps will be once I sign that paper tomorrow. I googled the phrase "I bought a house, now what?" This brought up about 1000 blogs where people ranted and raved about buyers remorse and lemons they purchased. This did not make me feel better. So far, I have packed exactly one box. I think I might just get myself drunk. Maybe that will make me feel better, or at least feel drunk. Either way, could be worse.
It's almost time...
SO, by 5:00 tomorrow, I could be a home owner. Of course, saying you are a home owner is really a misnomer. In reality, by 5:00 tomorrow, I will become an indentured servant to Wells Fargo and the city of ML for the next 30 years. I may also have to contribute to the college funds of my local plumber and electrician. In reality, I believe by tomorrow at 5:00 I may have a home that owns me.
I'm nervous and scared. Seriously considering taking a roommate to help with the bills. Worried about things that don't matter. Putting off packing because it is not fun. Ya know, the normal stuff of life.
I'm nervous and scared. Seriously considering taking a roommate to help with the bills. Worried about things that don't matter. Putting off packing because it is not fun. Ya know, the normal stuff of life.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
David Bell...
David Bell-that is who my home inspector reminded me of! I knew it was someone. This is obviously a flashback crush-I totally was smitten with David Bell when he played for the Mariner's five or six years ago. I think I'm 14 again. Geez.
I'm tired of myself...
I am tired of talking about my house, tired of thinking about my house, tired of hemmoraging money toward my house. I'm sure everyone around me is also tired of my house. I just wish the hell it was all over and I could move in. Soon I hope.
I had the housing inspection today. Looks pretty good. Needs a new hot water heater, some minor (I hope, estimate to come tomorrow) plumbing repair and repair on the dishwasher. Other than that, nothing too major. It is sold "as is" since it is a repo, so I just need to decide if I can accept it or want to back out of the deal. It's all contingent on the plumbing estimate. Thank God I have the money coming from the sale of my stocks to help pay for all this crap.
I have a tiny married guy crush on the housing inspector. I really liked him. Totally a cutie too.
Ok, time to think of something that is NOT to do with my house. Wonder what's on TV tonight?
I had the housing inspection today. Looks pretty good. Needs a new hot water heater, some minor (I hope, estimate to come tomorrow) plumbing repair and repair on the dishwasher. Other than that, nothing too major. It is sold "as is" since it is a repo, so I just need to decide if I can accept it or want to back out of the deal. It's all contingent on the plumbing estimate. Thank God I have the money coming from the sale of my stocks to help pay for all this crap.
I have a tiny married guy crush on the housing inspector. I really liked him. Totally a cutie too.
Ok, time to think of something that is NOT to do with my house. Wonder what's on TV tonight?
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I liked both of these when they came across my desk today...
To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die. - Clyde Campbell
The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The bravest are the tenderest. The loving are the daring. - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
SIMPLE RULES TO LIVE BY…
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman with whom you love to talk. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Day three of house watch...
Day three of the house watch...
I resisted driving past the house today. It would have just looked the same as yesterday anyway. I couldn't sleep last night. Excitement, fear, apprehension, plans all swirled around in my head for hours.
Since I know that I have a couple of hours of house purchasing stuff to do tomorrow during work hours, I went in to work tonight for a couple of hours. I try really hard not to let my pesonal stuff get in the way with my work stuff. I don't like the two to twist too much.
During the hours of tossing and turning last night, I realized that excitement is becoming one of my emotions with the process. I'm trying to let myself get not too excited until I get the inspection back. Hopefully, I can get that scheduled tomorrow. That will cost me 250 buckaroos. Oh well, it's only money, right.
Baby bro starts college tomorrow. Good luck to him.
My final thought for the day, straight from Who Moved My Cheese
I resisted driving past the house today. It would have just looked the same as yesterday anyway. I couldn't sleep last night. Excitement, fear, apprehension, plans all swirled around in my head for hours.
Since I know that I have a couple of hours of house purchasing stuff to do tomorrow during work hours, I went in to work tonight for a couple of hours. I try really hard not to let my pesonal stuff get in the way with my work stuff. I don't like the two to twist too much.
During the hours of tossing and turning last night, I realized that excitement is becoming one of my emotions with the process. I'm trying to let myself get not too excited until I get the inspection back. Hopefully, I can get that scheduled tomorrow. That will cost me 250 buckaroos. Oh well, it's only money, right.
Baby bro starts college tomorrow. Good luck to him.
My final thought for the day, straight from Who Moved My Cheese
When you push beyond the fear, you feel free.
Saturday, September 16, 2006
Homebuying day two
Today-I panic. How am I going to afford all of this? There are so many things that I will need to pay out for. A shower curtain, a new sprinkler head, a washing machine that doesn't leak. Freaking out, freaking 0ut... Then tonight my dad started talking about how I would need to have something changed over with the electricity. I have no idea what the hell he is talking about and don't really need him adding more money stress on my right now. He can sure be an ass.
Breathe, just breathe. I can do this. I think I may need to take a couple of days off work over the next couple of weeks.
I drove by the house today and the appraiser was there. Hopefully, he finds that the house is worth 20% what I paid for it and I got the deal of the century. A girl can hope, right?
My to-do lists...
New house:
Clean and caulk crack in garage wall
Install lighting fixture in kitchen
Sand and refines floors, especially master bedroom
Buy shower curtain, rods, rings for bathroom
Look at new washers
Paint
Check all sprinkler heads, replace broken ones
Arrange for utilities: Power, Water/etc., cable, phones
Change mail over
Do something with window in bathtub?
Old house:
Deep clean all rooms
Scrub bathroom-mold there is a problem
Start packing and purging, plan for Goodwill donations
Get boxes for packing
Weed/clean out side flowerbed that I have let get really overgrown
For purchase:
Complete remaining paperwork for mortgage
Arrange for home owner's insurance
Schedule house inspection for early next week
There is more, I know that there is much much more.
Agggg...Panic! at the computer. I wish I was married so I could share all this stress with someone! Or at least have someone to ply me with drinks to help me relax.
In other news...My mom has been quite depressed all summer. It was pretty bad. Somehow, she finally got the courage up yesterday to mention it to her doctor and they gave her an antidepressants. Within an hour, she was sure that whatever chemical imbalance had been impacting her was being fixed by the miracle drug. I'm glad she is feeling better, but it always concerns me when someone starts on that path. It just does not seem to have an end. Maybe they gave her a placebo? I can wish at least, right?
Breathe, just breathe. I can do this. I think I may need to take a couple of days off work over the next couple of weeks.
I drove by the house today and the appraiser was there. Hopefully, he finds that the house is worth 20% what I paid for it and I got the deal of the century. A girl can hope, right?
My to-do lists...
New house:
Clean and caulk crack in garage wall
Install lighting fixture in kitchen
Sand and refines floors, especially master bedroom
Buy shower curtain, rods, rings for bathroom
Look at new washers
Paint
Check all sprinkler heads, replace broken ones
Arrange for utilities: Power, Water/etc., cable, phones
Change mail over
Do something with window in bathtub?
Old house:
Deep clean all rooms
Scrub bathroom-mold there is a problem
Start packing and purging, plan for Goodwill donations
Get boxes for packing
Weed/clean out side flowerbed that I have let get really overgrown
For purchase:
Complete remaining paperwork for mortgage
Arrange for home owner's insurance
Schedule house inspection for early next week
There is more, I know that there is much much more.
Agggg...Panic! at the computer. I wish I was married so I could share all this stress with someone! Or at least have someone to ply me with drinks to help me relax.
In other news...My mom has been quite depressed all summer. It was pretty bad. Somehow, she finally got the courage up yesterday to mention it to her doctor and they gave her an antidepressants. Within an hour, she was sure that whatever chemical imbalance had been impacting her was being fixed by the miracle drug. I'm glad she is feeling better, but it always concerns me when someone starts on that path. It just does not seem to have an end. Maybe they gave her a placebo? I can wish at least, right?
Friday, September 15, 2006
House diary part one...
I bought a house today. It's the Ivy Street place. I really do love it and I don't think that in 10 years time I will regret the purchase. But I am scared to death right now. It's not about the responsibility or commitment-it's all about money. I need to find a way to make more of it. I have already decided that I need to make some lifestyle choices: no more lunches or coffee out (150/month in August), cut Blockbuster.com (22/month), transfer to my parent's family cell plan (22/month), change TV provider (22/month), reevaluate car insurance (40/month), stop investing for the time being (45/month). Those small changes will actually make up the difference in my rent and mortgage including insurance, taxes and PMI.
That PMI sure does suck. Too bad I don't have the savings to buy with 20% down. Such is life.
I love and appreciate my mom so much. She has been open with her purse strings in a way that I never imagined. She received an inheritance when my grandmother died. She has held this money close to her, spending it on no one, frittering it away in the same manner that her own mother did. Now she has offered as much as I need-without clarification. And wants to give it to me, not loan it. I will consider this a loan-even if I am 90 when it is repaid.
I have decided to track my emotions through this process. Today I am curiously numb. A little apprehensive. A little excited. Pretty much ok.
I know that my real estate agent was disappointed that I was not more emotional today when I signed papers. I think that since I was so tearful the first time, that she expected some overt enthuaism today. I'm just not feeling it. I'm excited. But sure in my choice. I am not a screamer. I would never make it on stage of the Price is Right or Extreme Home Makeover. I don't scream OH MY GOD with seven exclamation points behind the words. It's just not me, not my MO. Rookie realtor will just have to deal.
That PMI sure does suck. Too bad I don't have the savings to buy with 20% down. Such is life.
I love and appreciate my mom so much. She has been open with her purse strings in a way that I never imagined. She received an inheritance when my grandmother died. She has held this money close to her, spending it on no one, frittering it away in the same manner that her own mother did. Now she has offered as much as I need-without clarification. And wants to give it to me, not loan it. I will consider this a loan-even if I am 90 when it is repaid.
I have decided to track my emotions through this process. Today I am curiously numb. A little apprehensive. A little excited. Pretty much ok.
I know that my real estate agent was disappointed that I was not more emotional today when I signed papers. I think that since I was so tearful the first time, that she expected some overt enthuaism today. I'm just not feeling it. I'm excited. But sure in my choice. I am not a screamer. I would never make it on stage of the Price is Right or Extreme Home Makeover. I don't scream OH MY GOD with seven exclamation points behind the words. It's just not me, not my MO. Rookie realtor will just have to deal.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Books, books, books...
When reading, I can tell if a book has not fully caught my imagniation. I wander off a bit, ponder things that have nothing to do with the plot, sometimes cast the movie... Things that are not truly relevant to character development or enrichment of the story. However, when I am interested and wrapped in to the novel, I'm stuck. I keep on the track of the author. I let them lead me.
When I recently read Night, I never deviated. I never pondered how Liam Neeson would look as the father. Never thought of a famous 20-something as Elie. Just never happend. It seldom happens when I am reading a well crafted love story, novel, or business manual. But it does happen.
I finished Dean Koontz's Forever Odd today. It totally happened with this book. I loved the first story of Odd Thomas. This time, it just didn't focus me well. I kept thinking about who would do well if they ever created the movie. And the characterizations were really not all that complementary.
For Odd, I kept thinking either that creepy boner-med guy, Smiling Bob or maybe Toby McGuire's character from Pleastville. Neither really compliments the hero that Odd can be.
When I recently read Night, I never deviated. I never pondered how Liam Neeson would look as the father. Never thought of a famous 20-something as Elie. Just never happend. It seldom happens when I am reading a well crafted love story, novel, or business manual. But it does happen.
I finished Dean Koontz's Forever Odd today. It totally happened with this book. I loved the first story of Odd Thomas. This time, it just didn't focus me well. I kept thinking about who would do well if they ever created the movie. And the characterizations were really not all that complementary.
For Odd, I kept thinking either that creepy boner-med guy, Smiling Bob or maybe Toby McGuire's character from Pleastville. Neither really compliments the hero that Odd can be.
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Ivy Street, isn't that cute?
"My" house is on the market again-and it's price has been reduced. I'm making another offer. One that is $12k less than the first. And I feel good about it. No tears this time or anything. And I really don't think that there will be any tears if they don't accept the offer either. It's too bad that I am dealing with a bank as a seller instead of a person. An individual may be more willing to bargain and barter than a cold business entity. Guess I'll just wait and see what happens. I'm not sharing this with anyone this time. I'll just wait and keep it close to the chest. For now.
Friday, September 08, 2006
This made me really sad...
Poor panda mom...
Panda inconsolable after crushing cub
China's Ya Ya wails and looks for new-born twin she accidentally killed
Panda inconsolable after crushing cub
China's Ya Ya wails and looks for new-born twin she accidentally killed
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Kermit rocks..
Why are there so many songs about rainbows
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
and what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
and rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it.
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Who said that every wish would be heard
and answered when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that and someone believed it.
Look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us star gazing
and what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
All of us under its spell. We know that it's probably magic.
Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that called the young sailors.
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
Childhood musings...
A friend of mine is having a baby this winter. She has a teenager and will now have a newborn. This brings back so many memories of my childhood and teenage years. When I was 13 my baby brother was born. What a hard time that was. I was writing an email to her and the memories sure came on-both the good and the bad.
I remember one time when I was 13 or 14 and I had him with me in smart. I have always looked older than my age. The boobs came on early and big in this house. This old lady came up to me and called me a slut to my face because I was a young teenager with a small baby. It makes me so angry now-18 years later-that some old, hateful bitch could do that to me. People are awful.
I can also remember feeling like he was my baby sometimes. I would fall asleep with him on my belly. That baby feeling of total relaxation can't be beat.
There were tough times then too. My younger brother turned in to a destructive, horrid bastard. Our parents were older and really didn't want a 3rd child. He was so abusive and mean-I think he was just looking for the attention-but it didn't stop me from being horribly afraid for what would happen to the baby. I worried about going away to college, who would protect the baby (or the small boy by then)? What would he do to him? To the family?
Even five years later, when I traveled out of the country for the first time, I worried about what might happen. Baby brother was nearly 10 by then. But older brother was living at home. The entire time I was in Mexico, I had nightmares and night terrors of receiving calls saying that he had murdered them. All of them. He is kind of mean and can be out of control now, but back then he was violent and unpredictable and awful. It was a scary time.
Oh yeah, those were the good times. Thank god we all made it to adulthood. Baby bro is now 18 and big enough to care for himself. Brother is out of town, has a family of his own. Mom and dad still aren't that interested in parenting, good thing they are almost done. We all made it somehow.
I remember one time when I was 13 or 14 and I had him with me in smart. I have always looked older than my age. The boobs came on early and big in this house. This old lady came up to me and called me a slut to my face because I was a young teenager with a small baby. It makes me so angry now-18 years later-that some old, hateful bitch could do that to me. People are awful.
I can also remember feeling like he was my baby sometimes. I would fall asleep with him on my belly. That baby feeling of total relaxation can't be beat.
There were tough times then too. My younger brother turned in to a destructive, horrid bastard. Our parents were older and really didn't want a 3rd child. He was so abusive and mean-I think he was just looking for the attention-but it didn't stop me from being horribly afraid for what would happen to the baby. I worried about going away to college, who would protect the baby (or the small boy by then)? What would he do to him? To the family?
Even five years later, when I traveled out of the country for the first time, I worried about what might happen. Baby brother was nearly 10 by then. But older brother was living at home. The entire time I was in Mexico, I had nightmares and night terrors of receiving calls saying that he had murdered them. All of them. He is kind of mean and can be out of control now, but back then he was violent and unpredictable and awful. It was a scary time.
Oh yeah, those were the good times. Thank god we all made it to adulthood. Baby bro is now 18 and big enough to care for himself. Brother is out of town, has a family of his own. Mom and dad still aren't that interested in parenting, good thing they are almost done. We all made it somehow.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
They blew up Walnut Grove!
So I'm flipping channels tonight, trying to find something to entertain me on this long weekend. And I come across this craptastic offering ~ Little House : The Last Farewell. Now I missed the first half, but from what I summarize the railroad or some other evil 19th century businessman comes along and buys up Walnut Grove somehow. So the fine people of the town blow the whole fucking thing up. That's right. The Ingalls et all use dynamite from the mine and blow up Walnut Grove. There goes all of my childhood memories in a single bang.
I suppose that this is intended to show how the frontier folks of the town are plucky and all, but they still BLEW UP THE TOWN. So so wrong.
I know I watched this show when I was very young and somehow missed this gem. Some of it's other offerings include a mullet-child of Laura and Almonzo. I missed it in my youth, but I'm not sure now how that femme cry baby "Manly" was able to father a child. Shannon Doherty is doing something there. Someone's sister or something. I didn't remember her either. And Laura and family also had this fruity Lost in Space type Dr. Smith living with them.
I am very very glad that I did not see this when I was young. It would have ruined Little House for me forever.
One other note, Willie Olson is much better looking than I remember. Willie, where are you today?
I suppose that this is intended to show how the frontier folks of the town are plucky and all, but they still BLEW UP THE TOWN. So so wrong.
I know I watched this show when I was very young and somehow missed this gem. Some of it's other offerings include a mullet-child of Laura and Almonzo. I missed it in my youth, but I'm not sure now how that femme cry baby "Manly" was able to father a child. Shannon Doherty is doing something there. Someone's sister or something. I didn't remember her either. And Laura and family also had this fruity Lost in Space type Dr. Smith living with them.
I am very very glad that I did not see this when I was young. It would have ruined Little House for me forever.
One other note, Willie Olson is much better looking than I remember. Willie, where are you today?
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Night...
I just finished reading Night by Elie Wiesel. What a powerful book. And I am really saying that because it is, not just because Oprah said so. Normally, I think Oprah books are pretty crap. This time though, powerful is the best way I can describe it. It is so sparse in it's length in it's words. Somehow, that simplicity makes it more impactful.
I was discussing this book today at lunch. I mentioned how normally I try to rotate my books: read one of substance then allow myself one smut. One of my coworkers said "I don't read to think." As if thinking cannot be part of pure entertainment.
There were a couple of quotes and phrases that really hit me. One was in the preface. It was the original opening of the book...
The final lines of this book seemed just as powerful to me. Who out there who has suffered has not seen the corpse in the mirror themselves? When I see some of the people I work with, try to help, I see that corpse in them. Yet they continue on and continue to live because they have no other choice.
I guess one other statement I read in the preface is my final thought for Mary, my coworker who does not like to think.
I was discussing this book today at lunch. I mentioned how normally I try to rotate my books: read one of substance then allow myself one smut. One of my coworkers said "I don't read to think." As if thinking cannot be part of pure entertainment.
There were a couple of quotes and phrases that really hit me. One was in the preface. It was the original opening of the book...
In the beginning there was faith-which is childish; trust-which is vain; and illusion-which is dangerous.
The final lines of this book seemed just as powerful to me. Who out there who has suffered has not seen the corpse in the mirror themselves? When I see some of the people I work with, try to help, I see that corpse in them. Yet they continue on and continue to live because they have no other choice.
From the depths of the mirror, a corpse was contemplating me. The look in his eyes as he gazed at me has never left me.
I guess one other statement I read in the preface is my final thought for Mary, my coworker who does not like to think.
...I believe it important to emphasize how strongly I feel that books, just like people, have a destiny. Some invite sorrow, others joy, some both.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Tick tock, tick tock...
I got the news that two of my friends from highschool are pregnant. It's #1 for one of them and #2 for the other. I am such a petty bitch but I am more than a little jealous. Tick tick tick...My clock is a-runnin. Guess it is natural at 32, but it is still there loud and clear.
Friday, August 25, 2006
House, Foot and Pluto news...
SO, I made the offer on the house. Yesterday, they accepted. My mortgage guy was nowhere to be seen. Totally MIA. I got pissed off and went to a different agency. They quoted me a lower interest rate and a payment the was way higher. WAY higher. I pondered it and pondered it and slept on it. And decided that I just couldn't do it. I would have been house poor for the forseeable future. With a balloon payment to follow 10 years down the line. I don't want to live like that. Almost half of my take-home pay would have gone to mortgage. I don't want that type of lifestyle. So I called and unoffered. Kind of a bummer but I am really ok with it.
In other news, I got a spider bite on my foot and the whole thing itches and is really swelled up. Hope I don't die. That would suck.
In still other news, RIP Pluto. You are a planet no more. I don't know why I care about that so much. Maybe because my very educated mother can no longer just make nine pizza pies. Who knows?
In other news, I got a spider bite on my foot and the whole thing itches and is really swelled up. Hope I don't die. That would suck.
In still other news, RIP Pluto. You are a planet no more. I don't know why I care about that so much. Maybe because my very educated mother can no longer just make nine pizza pies. Who knows?
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Onset of panic attacks...
Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god, Oh my god. I am so freaking out. I put an offer down on a house! Tonight.
This is the scariest thing I have ever done. I am a nervous wreck. I had looked at the house last week but it had an offer on it already. I really liked it and kind of used it as a bench for other houses (most of which are totally meth houses in my price range, by the way). My real estate lady called today totally excited. Apparently the other people offered too low and the declined the offer.
I went back to look at it. I looked around, called my mom and had her come look at it then called and had my dad look at all the guy things.
When I finally decided to make the offer, I started to bawl. I don't cry, I don't know what is up with me. I drove to the real estate office and was totally crying through half of the paperwork. Susan, my real estate lady, kept telling me that we really don't have to do this, but I kept sobbing and saying that I really wanted to buy the house.
I'm finally calmed down and am feeling pretty excited. I know someone else is offering on the same house so we'll see what happens. I'm going to be pretty pissed if I cried in public and don't get the house now.
I think the hardest thing for me is that buying a house is letting go of another dream. You know the one...Where the fab tall dark and handsome comes on his horse, sweeps in and saves me from myself. If I commit to a house, to something this big on my own it means just that-I am on my own. Somehow, it becomes more tangible now. It makes me really sad.
I guess prince charming can come in many forms. Tonight mine came in the form of a 60 year old grandmother who offers to pay the closing costs on a first house for her only daughter. I feel loved and blessed by my family who really does love me, but I also feel more alone than ever.
Fuck, I'm crying again. Time for bed, I guess.
This is the scariest thing I have ever done. I am a nervous wreck. I had looked at the house last week but it had an offer on it already. I really liked it and kind of used it as a bench for other houses (most of which are totally meth houses in my price range, by the way). My real estate lady called today totally excited. Apparently the other people offered too low and the declined the offer.
I went back to look at it. I looked around, called my mom and had her come look at it then called and had my dad look at all the guy things.
When I finally decided to make the offer, I started to bawl. I don't cry, I don't know what is up with me. I drove to the real estate office and was totally crying through half of the paperwork. Susan, my real estate lady, kept telling me that we really don't have to do this, but I kept sobbing and saying that I really wanted to buy the house.
I'm finally calmed down and am feeling pretty excited. I know someone else is offering on the same house so we'll see what happens. I'm going to be pretty pissed if I cried in public and don't get the house now.
I think the hardest thing for me is that buying a house is letting go of another dream. You know the one...Where the fab tall dark and handsome comes on his horse, sweeps in and saves me from myself. If I commit to a house, to something this big on my own it means just that-I am on my own. Somehow, it becomes more tangible now. It makes me really sad.
I guess prince charming can come in many forms. Tonight mine came in the form of a 60 year old grandmother who offers to pay the closing costs on a first house for her only daughter. I feel loved and blessed by my family who really does love me, but I also feel more alone than ever.
Fuck, I'm crying again. Time for bed, I guess.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Ok. So I am approved for a mortgage. But not approved for one big enough to actually buy anything I would want to purchase and live in. I saw a totally cute place today but it is really really small. I can afford it. I can more than afford it. It is $20k less than my target price. BUT-it is tiny tiny tiny. I do think it is in a neighborhood that is growing and improving. It is an older home. Cinderblock construction and lots of character. Underground sprinklers and a fully fenced yard where I could keep my basset hound to be. Garage. Two beds, one bath. Hardwood floors that need refinishing. Squirrles in the trees and some really cool features on the ceiling of the living room. Lots of potential I suppose.
The weirdest thing? The washer is in the kitchen but the dryer is in the garage. And there is no dishwasher.
However, I would much rather stay here. I like here. I would love to buy here if I could get my dad to agree to sell it to me. I know he dosen't want to. But I want to stay here.
Shit.
The weirdest thing? The washer is in the kitchen but the dryer is in the garage. And there is no dishwasher.
However, I would much rather stay here. I like here. I would love to buy here if I could get my dad to agree to sell it to me. I know he dosen't want to. But I want to stay here.
Shit.
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Rory Gilmore's Book Club...
I love love love the Gilmore Girls. I found this list from a link from some other site. This is a book list worth aspiring to...
Rory Gilmore's Book Club
I'm a bit embarrassed to find that I have read a grand total of three of the new classics-and one of those was the awful Nanny Diaries. I need to bone up my summer reading list a bit.
I fared quite a bit better with the classics. If you count the movies I have seen of both new and classic books, I do ok.
Note to self-go to the LIBRARY more often!
Rory Gilmore's Book Club
I'm a bit embarrassed to find that I have read a grand total of three of the new classics-and one of those was the awful Nanny Diaries. I need to bone up my summer reading list a bit.
I fared quite a bit better with the classics. If you count the movies I have seen of both new and classic books, I do ok.
Note to self-go to the LIBRARY more often!
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Mr. Clean and after dinner stalkings...
So, I don't really date much. In fact, I really don't get out of the house much at all. Yes, I get lonely sometimes. Yes, I wish I had someone in my life and at times I feel a tad desperate about it. HOWEVER, I have a yucky, 50-year-old neighbor who is stalking me. He is creeping the hell out of me. I am not that desperate. I have finally found my boundary and 50 and weird it is.
Since I have moved in he has waved at me each time I drive by his house. Ok, I can be as neighborly as the next girl. No problem there. One day, I was one town away from home (about 20 miles away) and I saw him there. He acted like he had just won the damn lottery. I smiled, nodded politely and excused myself.
Yesterday at 7:55-5 whole minutes before I was to be at work-I went running out of my house as norm heading for the car. He pulled up in a truck that was not his. He asked me my name, ok, being neighborly again I gave it to him. He asked if my husband was around, ok, getting a little creepy, then he asked if he could come and have me cook dinner. I smiled, pretended he was kidding and got in my car stat.
Last night, after work, he showed up on my doorstep. He decided that he should come and get to know me. He shoved his way in and sort of freaked me out. Because, like a total dumbass, I had already mentioned that I was single, I couldn't even pretend that my boyfriend/husband was on his way to see me. Then the freak asked me what time dinner was. He was actually expecting it from our converation in the morning.
I finally got rid of him after almost an hour. I didn't know how to get him off my couch and out of my house. I tried to emphasize that I was A LOT younger than him, but that didn't sink in. I tried to emphasize that I work a lot-went right over his head. I finally asked him to leave. Then he suggested that we go dutch to the movies. I told him no and locked the door.
This morning, he left a message on the windshield of my car trying to ask me out again. I feel bombarded in my own home. I park on the street, he knows when I am here. How do I hide from this strange old man? Yuck and yikes!
Since I have moved in he has waved at me each time I drive by his house. Ok, I can be as neighborly as the next girl. No problem there. One day, I was one town away from home (about 20 miles away) and I saw him there. He acted like he had just won the damn lottery. I smiled, nodded politely and excused myself.
Yesterday at 7:55-5 whole minutes before I was to be at work-I went running out of my house as norm heading for the car. He pulled up in a truck that was not his. He asked me my name, ok, being neighborly again I gave it to him. He asked if my husband was around, ok, getting a little creepy, then he asked if he could come and have me cook dinner. I smiled, pretended he was kidding and got in my car stat.
Last night, after work, he showed up on my doorstep. He decided that he should come and get to know me. He shoved his way in and sort of freaked me out. Because, like a total dumbass, I had already mentioned that I was single, I couldn't even pretend that my boyfriend/husband was on his way to see me. Then the freak asked me what time dinner was. He was actually expecting it from our converation in the morning.
I finally got rid of him after almost an hour. I didn't know how to get him off my couch and out of my house. I tried to emphasize that I was A LOT younger than him, but that didn't sink in. I tried to emphasize that I work a lot-went right over his head. I finally asked him to leave. Then he suggested that we go dutch to the movies. I told him no and locked the door.
This morning, he left a message on the windshield of my car trying to ask me out again. I feel bombarded in my own home. I park on the street, he knows when I am here. How do I hide from this strange old man? Yuck and yikes!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Oh my god...
This comic is the whole reason that generations of women have such a negative body image and why even pretty thin women have no self esteem. Oh my.
Secret Romance
These are pieces of some others. Horrid. Women of the comic past apparently were scheming, marriage obsessed and not too smart. Why oh why couldn't I have been alive then? Hilarious!
Secret Romance
These are pieces of some others. Horrid. Women of the comic past apparently were scheming, marriage obsessed and not too smart. Why oh why couldn't I have been alive then? Hilarious!
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